Motherhood changes you- special needs mom

Being a mom has changed me in so many ways, so many wonderful awesome ways, the amount of joy and understanding my children have brought into my life is just beyond me and I can never thank the universe enough for allowing me the privilege of being their mom.

Being a special needs mom specifically has also changed me, in ways I have only come to see of late, probably because they have become more noticeable to me especially over the past two years when Loghan was reassessed the boys changed schools and I began to understand them better as a whole having met certain friends and people who showed me what to look for and how to better understand the quirks and needs that come with a special needs child.

An Epiphany of sorts

I’ve spoken before about my hysterectomy and how I had times where I felt like I wasn’t truly over or hadn’t fully come to terms with never having kids again but I realized this weekend that it has finally hit me and that I’ve reached a point where I am actually fine and dandy with never having another baby and I realized that I have accepted it in the funniest of ways.

You see I have always had this radar for a pregnant woman or belly; I have often been able to tell a woman is pregnant before she announces it or spotted a very well hidden pregnant belly before a pregnancy is announced but over the last few months I have seriously lost the ability or the inclination to do this… I have lost my super power… don’t laugh….

Seriously though 2 of my colleagues are pregnant and quite prominently so… I did not notice seriously not even an inkling until they announced it and then over the weekend I bumped into my gynea who is pregnant with twins… TWINS and I didn’t notice… I mean common right… so I was telling my mum about this and she said that it’s probably because I have moved over that stage in my life, I am no longer thinking about babies or expanding my family and I’m content to focus on my own children and not everyone else’s which sounds rather cold but when I thought about it, it made logical sense and that is when it hit me, I have finally moved on and forward and it no longer hurts to think about never having another baby because I am perfectly happy with my kids and our family as is…. It’s a good feeling actually… I mean I still like to ohm and ah over sweet baby feet and tiny outfits but it’s not the same… its strange… but a good strange if you get my meaning.

It was one of those aha moments… getting older does this to you =)

Take maternity leave!

Take maternity leave you do not realize how important and amazing it is until you don’t take it and then do.

When I fell pregnant with Loghan I was in my first year of college so I went back when he was 6 weeks old, when Gabriel was born I was working and couldn’t afford to take maternity leave so I went back to work after 4 weeks.

So I had little to no time with either of them and when it came to being pregnant with Jesse I was determined to not let that happen again.

I worked for as long as possible going off at 38 weeks and giving birth a week later ( I also saved some leave) and I took off the full 4 months plus an extra week and a bit, I claimed uif so we budgeted and paid off what we could during my pregnancy to account for that, I even stocked up on as many toiletries etc as I could so that I wouldn’t have to buy any of that when Jesse was born, this included disposable nappies which I accumulated enough of that I didn’t have to buy any until I returned to work and had an income once again.

I spent every day of those 4 months with Jesse and they were wonderful, the first month we basically hid away indoors, my hubby took off 3 weeks, and post that it was just so wonderful to be a stay at home mom to all my kids for that period, I got to experience every milestone, breastfeeding was much less stressful and if I stayed up all night feeding it didn’t matter because I didn’t have to go to work and could dose with Jesse while my older two were at school if I needed to (not that Jesse slept through before a year but anyway), I could get into a routine as well, it truly was an incredible blessing and made me feel such grief for the time I had missed with Loghan and Gabriel after they were born, if I could turn back the clock I would have taken that time with them no matter what I would have made a plan, it makes me so sad to think of all the woman who are unable to take maternity leave, 4 months as it is in my opinion is far too little I wish they would give moms a year but unfortunately as things stand in SA 4 months is the best we can get.

I urge all moms to take this time trust me I didn’t know how much I had missed until I got to experience it after not having it.

It's called affection and it's normal

It's been a few days since I saw the post against Victoria Beckham for kissing her child on the lips and I am still in awe of it.

I just cannot believe people are so against it I kiss my kids on the mouth at least once a day I love them they are my my kids there is absolutely nothing wrong with it and honestly if you feel there is then there is something wrong with you and you need to see someone urgently, of all the things people are concerned about or show concern over, people are dying everyday, woman and children abused every day but people throw a fit over a mother showing affection for her child it is so warped and wrong it makes me want to scream it's no wonder kids are growing up with a warped sense of affection and love if we are encouraged by society to see it as wrong and dirty there is a very big difference between appropriate and inappropriate affection giving your child a peck on the cheek or mouth is normal argh!!!

I am a proud momma and I will continue to give my kids love and kisses until the day comes where they are to embarrassed to be seen with me and that's that!

I do believe in fairies…

I do believe in fairies I do I DO!!!! 

I have one for a friend I promise you once you have met her you will never doubt it again =)

I have always told the boys about fairies and encouraged them to believe I think it’s wonderful and I do actually believe they exist, some people believe in angels I believe in fairies.

But moving back onto topic like I said I have always told the boys about fairies and one of the things that I grew up with that I have passed on to my kids is fairy kisses, you see as a child my mom would tell me that my freckles and I had a few were a sign that I had been kissed by a fairy and it always made me incredibly proud and happy to have freckles and still today its part of way I don’t like a full coverage foundation because I really like my freckles and like them to show through on my face.

In any case Loghan also went through a stage of being conscious about his freckles and so I explained to him what they were and he has been pleased as punch about his freckles ever since, he is however getting older and ‘wiser’ and thus when I fetched Loghan from his dad yesterday morning I was promptly told by Gabriel who pulled out his second loose tooth on Friday eve that the tooth fairy had not visited him that night because Loghan has said that there was no such thing, however Gabriel went on to say that he has whispered to the fairies that he did indeed believe and she came the next evening (sat) and even given him a kiss on the cheek he felt it =)

So I hugged him and to my absolute glee I saw upon his cheek a tiny freckle and explained to him as I did with Loghan before that he had indeed been kissed by a fairy as there was a freckle now on his cheek he was so happy and excited even more so when I explained this morning that it must have been a baby fairy as it is a small freckle and that makes him even more special and must mean he really believes which to his delight he exclaimed that he did.

I am a logical person but I believe in magick and I believe in fairies and I think this is a wonderful way to ignite a fiery imagination in your child as well as make them appreciate any sort of freckle or beauty mark that they may have on their bodies, I have my mom to thank for instilling this wonderful tradition and believe in my heart and I hope that my children will pass it on to their children one day as well!

Do you have any traditions or beliefs in your family I would love to hear about them =)

Kicking Term 2's butt monkey style

I don’t think I am the only parent who hyperventilates at the thought of end of term parent meetings, this term has not been great for Loghan, for Gabriel he has blossomed and in our opinion was doing so well so whilst I was looking forward to his meeting I was honestly not looking forward to Loghan’s and had geared myself up for a drop in codes etc… however my child proved me wrong and I couldn’t be more proud and needed to remind myself that I should never doubt my kids abilities even for a second.

Whilst there are a few things that need attention Loghans marks came up in every area which was such a relief although he does have some work to catch up on during the holidays and we need to still work on him rushing his work and his handwriting, he also has the same problem I had in school where in mathematics he cannot see why he has to show the method when he knows the correct answer I felt exactly the same in school if the answer is correct who cares how you got there but that is not how the school sees it so we had to have a chat about that, but his marks are great all improved and excellent marks for both mathematics as well as life skills, English was also good and Afrikaans as well so yay I walked out feeling incredibly proud and happy, we have been told they both have the ability to get top marks across the board which we know but honestly I don’t expect perfection I just want them to be the best they can be.

My son the angry bird

Loghan has always had a temper issue honestly I am not all surprised that one of my kids did end up with this problem I can fly off the handle when IO have had enough and my ex has a temper as well but it is only aggravated by his adhd and social issues which compound on each other and its frankly a vicious circle.

Anyhoo on the weekend we got into an argument over something I asked him to do which resulted in him having some time out in his room, when I checked on him a little later and sat down on his bed to talk I asked him why he got so angry etc and talked about managing his anger, he then piped up, mommy I am an angry bird I am just like red the angry bird I try to stay calm but sometimes I just cant... bless your heart my child.

Angry birds are of course all the rage right now and we have the movie at home when I sat down and thought of it it made perfect logical sense and I decided to use the movie as a tool, score one for this mamma, I told him to think of the end of the movie when Red remembers what the judge said about anger not always being the solution/answer, this made perfect sense to him and resulted in the rest of the weekend being quite uneventful and somewhat peaceful... as peaceful as it can be with 3 monkey boys anyway.

Are your kids mini angry birds any tips would be appreciated =)

The stages of being a breastfeeding momma

I was lucky enough to breastfeed Jess past the 2 year mark it is still a journey I cherish although it wasn’t at times the smoothest or most enjoyable ride, the bond and time I got with Jesse was something I hold very dear to my heart and even though I know I did my best with Loghan and Gabriel sometimes I do wish I had been able to carry on further but they were fed and healthy and that is what matters in the end. 

Through my journey I found specific phases as I went along and I thought it may be fun to share them with all of you and see if you had the same experiences or milestone feelings as I did so here we go…

Baby Starved Biological Clock

For the most part lately this is how I felt with regards to all my friends and family falling pregnant and having babies.

Since having my hysterectomy was not my ideal choice I have gone through periods of sadness and frustration at the thought of never being able to have a baby again but have however reached the point where I have not only made peace with the situation and appreciate what it has done for my health but I am also happy with my family just as it is and really cannot fathom or fancy the idea of going down the road of sleepless nights and poopy diapers again.

However being a woman can be rally confusing sometimes because even though in my mind I’m like yay I’m all good I see a baby or hold one and my ovaries which I still have start screaming at me to produce a baby which fortunately I am unable to create and I find myself looking at the boys baby pictures and longing for that sweet baby smell, the anticipation and excitement of the birth and choosing of names, my mind says hell no and my clearly baby starved biological clock ticking ovaries say hell yes, eep!

Thankfully that feeling does subside but I for one am grateful that I cannot have any more because dam if my broody woman parts had anything to say about I would probably be sitting in my gyneas office right now going oh my stars at the screen.

No one can say there is no such thing as an internal baby clock because hells bells I have felt the pull and I am only 28…. Anyone else feel this way am I the only one?

A long extended version of a day in my household... yes its long

Every morning my alarm sounds at the sparrows fart time of 5:30am, every morning I switch it of whilst allowing myself 15 minutes of absolute silence… well somewhat if you don’t count the snoring coming from all 3 rooms, I think about the day ahead and maybe contemplate supper that evening but when 5:45 hits I’m up.

I wander through to Gabriel’s room, I call out to him several times, I pull the blankets off him he moans and grabs them back, I pull them off again, I tickle him I call him again and eventually once I threaten the possibility of no breakfast or pre-school playtime he will slowly sit up yawn stretch and moan then grab his clothes ever so not impressed and start to get ready.

Nanny, Day Mom or Creche (Part 3- A Creche)

If you haven't read part one and two of this series you can find them here.

In this series I explored my personal pros and cons in relation to choosing between a day mom, nanny or creche having experienced all 3 with my kids.

In this part 3 my final piece I discuss putting your child into a creche.

Loghan was in crèche from 15 months, Gabriel from 6 months and Jesse from 4 months. We have had many bad experiences with crèches however personally this is still the option I would choose.

Nanny, Day Mom or Creche (Part 2- A Day Mom)

 If you haven't read part 1 of this 3 part series you can read it here.

In this series I discuss the pros and cons of choosing between having a Nanny, Day Mom or Creche for your child, as I said in part one this is from a personal standpoint as I have had experience with all 3, I hope that this will be of some help to moms struggling to make the choice, at the end of the day please remember that only you can make this choice for your child and what works for one family may not work for another....

Nanny, Day Mom or Crèche (Part 1 - A Nanny)

Many moms tackle this question everyday, I have had the experience of all 3 and would like to share the pros and cons I have experienced from all of them in a 3 part blog:

In this Part 1 I will Discuss having a nanny:

When Loghan was born I was still in college and had to go back at 6 weeks so at 6 weeks we made the decision to make use of my mom in laws domestic as our nanny on a permanent basis, we had her with us for a year before we made the decision to put Loghan into a crèche.

C Section Tips

One of the questions I see asked by mommies these days on forums and mom sites is how to prepare for a c section or tips on c section healing so having had 3 myself aside from my hysterectomy which was performed as a c section minus the gorgeous baby at the end 

I decided this would be a fun post to do. I have done this tips based on knowing you are going to have a c section or if you have chosen to have one.

Hey you...

Hey you, yes you; the gentleman who gave me the judgmental remark and sigh as I walked out of the doctor’s office with my son yesterday morning, he was proudly displaying 3 lollipops in his hand and showing them to everyone who went past, 3 lollipops one for him and one for each of his brothers given to him by the nurses at the nursing station because he just had several stitches removed and didn’t moan or flinch.

My son was so happy and thankfully didn’t take to heart or even notice your snide remark because of course I must be a terrible mom to bribe my child with candy to go to a doctors appointment or allow him to eat so much candy at 8:15 in the morning, I noticed your comment though and it just irritated me that people can make such comments without even knowing the back story of the person you are remarking on.

Maybe you were just having a crap morning, if so it’s still no reason to be rude or pass judgment on other people, I know my monkey was busy and happy and running around in the reception area, he was excited and having a good day… no a great day despite the stitches the nurses were brilliant and this is why as much as your comment irritated me I chose to walk on and to hug my monkey tightly as we left and tell him how proud I was of him, he laughed and smiled he asked me which lolly his brothers would like best and then proceeded to tell me that he would only eat it at lunch without me even having to say it.

So in a way thank you for only affirming the pride I have for my son, you didn’t put a damper on his shine and your bad day and judgment was not paid forward as intended.

blended families, tecnicalities...

 

I have three sons and technically my 3^rd son is half- brother to his older brothers as their fathers are different, my ex and his wife are also expecting a boy in June, which means another half -brother will soon be here. (yes all boys our fridges will always be empty =) )

I really hate using the terms half -brother, step brother, step father or adopted sibling, they are technically true, but I will never use these terms directly with my boys, they are all brothers I don’t see why it should matter that their fathers or in the new arrivals case their mother is different and I don’t see why my kids should see it any differently.

In essence and at the end of the day we are one blended and extended family, we are linked to each other permanently through my two oldest boys and as much as we have times of disagreement or do not always get along we are family and families do not always have to get along or even like each other all the time.

The boys are excited for their new brother arrival and I know they are going to be great with him, family isn’t always about blood, you do not have to have the same parents, mother or father, it is about being there for one another and making memories together of which I am sure there are plenty to come.