Take maternity leave!

Take maternity leave you do not realize how important and amazing it is until you don’t take it and then do.

When I fell pregnant with Loghan I was in my first year of college so I went back when he was 6 weeks old, when Gabriel was born I was working and couldn’t afford to take maternity leave so I went back to work after 4 weeks.

So I had little to no time with either of them and when it came to being pregnant with Jesse I was determined to not let that happen again.

I worked for as long as possible going off at 38 weeks and giving birth a week later ( I also saved some leave) and I took off the full 4 months plus an extra week and a bit, I claimed uif so we budgeted and paid off what we could during my pregnancy to account for that, I even stocked up on as many toiletries etc as I could so that I wouldn’t have to buy any of that when Jesse was born, this included disposable nappies which I accumulated enough of that I didn’t have to buy any until I returned to work and had an income once again.

I spent every day of those 4 months with Jesse and they were wonderful, the first month we basically hid away indoors, my hubby took off 3 weeks, and post that it was just so wonderful to be a stay at home mom to all my kids for that period, I got to experience every milestone, breastfeeding was much less stressful and if I stayed up all night feeding it didn’t matter because I didn’t have to go to work and could dose with Jesse while my older two were at school if I needed to (not that Jesse slept through before a year but anyway), I could get into a routine as well, it truly was an incredible blessing and made me feel such grief for the time I had missed with Loghan and Gabriel after they were born, if I could turn back the clock I would have taken that time with them no matter what I would have made a plan, it makes me so sad to think of all the woman who are unable to take maternity leave, 4 months as it is in my opinion is far too little I wish they would give moms a year but unfortunately as things stand in SA 4 months is the best we can get.

I urge all moms to take this time trust me I didn’t know how much I had missed until I got to experience it after not having it.

No more nurseries in SA Hospitals

When I fell pregnant with Loghan the only 2 things I wanted for my birth was a c section and then to room in with my baby and even though I ended up with a c section it was an emergency c section due to prem birth and I didn’t get to room in with Loghan as he was rushed off to NICU just after he was born, it was extremely heart-breaking for me as I was told in order to successfully bond and breastfeed I needed to keep baby on me as much as possible and of course he was my baby and I wanted him with me it was only natural, I managed to breastfeed successfully thankfully and it did not affect my bond with Loghan but I do think it would have made things much easier and would have made such beautiful memories. 

When I fell pregnant with Gabriel my goals were the same and for one glorious day I got to have him with me in the maternity ward, he slept on my chest he fed and it was wonderful, until on day two when he was taken off to NICU as he picked up an infection post birth, I cried like a baby as I held my breast pump in my hands to the point that a very lovely tea lady came to sit beside me and offer some words of comfort, I cannot explain how much she did for me with just a few words I went from depressed to determined.

Jesse unfortunately also ended up in NICU so again I was denied the opportunity of rooming in with my baby but with him I went in determined that if anything should happen I would not let it bring me down…

That brings us to the title of this post and the subject of nurseries in hospitals, now as I said I really wanted to room in with my babies and having Gabriel even for that one day was just wonderful and I will always cherish that memory, if my babies had not ended up in NICU I would have happily kept them with me at all times as I personally felt that A- they were my babies they belonged with me and after leaving the hospital I would not have the nurses around to help or take baby so I could get some sleep, I also felt that with regards to breastfeeding there is a greater chance of success if baby is kept on or close to you as much as possible in the first weeks following birth, also having baby with you left less chance of a formula top up giving by a nurse who didn’t want to wake you.

I know there are moms out there who love the idea and made use of their hospital nurseries and honestly I think that you should be given the opportunity to a point, birth can be very traumatic, a woman who has been in labour for days without sleep or a woman who is having trouble post a c section may be better off taking a nap before taking on full care of her baby, every mom and baby is different and I feel that that the moms state of mind is crucial for babies care especially in the beginning where everything is new and especially for first time moms.

I had a wonderful time post c section I didn’t feel groggy and I couldn’t wait to get up and move around but I have one friend who had a terrible time and who was snarked at and ignored by nurses when she pleaded with them to take her baby, she then started throwing up and almost dropped her baby thankfully the woman next to her took her baby before that happened, every mom and baby is different and personally as much as I didn’t feel the need or desire for nursery care I do not feel it is something that should be all together taken away, I think it should be allowed however if the mom continues to ask then she should be told no more or should be referred to her doctor as to why she is requesting constant help, maybe it is a case of post-partum blues, maybe there is something else she is feeling unwell maybe something was missed?

What do you think, do you think they should be doing away with it all together, did you make use of the nursery yourself?

Spinal Migraines????

When I went in for my 3^rd c section I felt like a veteran with regards to the process and was not concerned in the least about anything going wrong.

 

However a day or two post-surgery I was still sitting with what I would term a very bad headache it wasn’t what I would classify as a migraine although I do have a high pain threshold, I knocked it off to breastfeeding and tiredness as it tended to go away when I lay down which is most of what you do in the hospital anyway.

However when I got home and in the month post my c section the headaches started to get worse and became migraines to the point where I just wanted to scream after being up and about for several hours each day, this pain would ease off after a few hours of lying flat though so I tried to ignore it as best I could but eventually I couldn’t take it anymore the migraines were making my life with my baby miserable and difficult and I had two other monkeys to run after I couldn’t be man down on the couch for even half a day most of the time I had to go on with life as per normal which post c section was usually very easy for me to do and I did manage but the headaches and migraines continued to persist as I got more and more active.

Baby Starved Biological Clock

For the most part lately this is how I felt with regards to all my friends and family falling pregnant and having babies.

Since having my hysterectomy was not my ideal choice I have gone through periods of sadness and frustration at the thought of never being able to have a baby again but have however reached the point where I have not only made peace with the situation and appreciate what it has done for my health but I am also happy with my family just as it is and really cannot fathom or fancy the idea of going down the road of sleepless nights and poopy diapers again.

However being a woman can be rally confusing sometimes because even though in my mind I’m like yay I’m all good I see a baby or hold one and my ovaries which I still have start screaming at me to produce a baby which fortunately I am unable to create and I find myself looking at the boys baby pictures and longing for that sweet baby smell, the anticipation and excitement of the birth and choosing of names, my mind says hell no and my clearly baby starved biological clock ticking ovaries say hell yes, eep!

Thankfully that feeling does subside but I for one am grateful that I cannot have any more because dam if my broody woman parts had anything to say about I would probably be sitting in my gyneas office right now going oh my stars at the screen.

No one can say there is no such thing as an internal baby clock because hells bells I have felt the pull and I am only 28…. Anyone else feel this way am I the only one?

C Section Tips

One of the questions I see asked by mommies these days on forums and mom sites is how to prepare for a c section or tips on c section healing so having had 3 myself aside from my hysterectomy which was performed as a c section minus the gorgeous baby at the end 

I decided this would be a fun post to do. I have done this tips based on knowing you are going to have a c section or if you have chosen to have one.

I am not ashamed about my c sections so dont expect me to be.

Too many moms are ashamed of their c sections, too many mommies feel inadequate for their choice or a choice that was taken from their hands, some are told they are not a mother because they did not give birth naturally or that they took the easy way out....

I am not ashamed, I am proud.

I never wanted a natural birth, it was my body, my baby and my choice and I advocate this choice for both sides, I have watched many natural birth videos read about many natural, home and unassisted births, they are beautiful and wonderful but that situation, that birth choice was not for me.

In the end the decision was taken out of my hands but from the start I wanted a c section and I shouldn't have to explain my reasons, my children are here they are healthy happy children whom I am very blessed to have in my life, they have never asked me why they didn't come forth from my vajayjay,or why I chose the choice I did, maybe they will one day and I will tell them like it is, they are not a woman and when their wives do give birth one day they need to value and accept her choice, my kids are incredibly loved and were miracles in my life I would never have risked their lives in any way or given them a birth I felt was unsafe.

So I will not be ashamed and I will not back off because I am a proud mommy, not a c section mommy not a breastfeeding mommy....just a mommy a super proud loud mouthed mommy, because in the grand scheme we are all moms who love our children and at the end of the day that is all that matters to our children and they are the ones whose opinions we most value!

One thing I would have changed in my pregnancies

I found out the gender of the boys in every pregnancy and when I look back now I think that it may have been nice to have waited with just one of them, I think it would have been a nice surprise, I don’t know I have never been a very patient person aside from my kids lol but still I do think about it every now and then and contemplate on what it would have been like for them to lift baby out and for hubby or my ex to have seen first.

Did you wait or did you find out as soon as possible, did the gender ‘change’, I know more than one person who went into to have one gender and came home with another =)

With Jesse we were told girl at 12 weeks and then boy at 17 weeks, little monkey.

Gabriel's birth story

So I have shared Jesse’s birth story on here as well as Loghan’s with Gabriel’s 6^th birthday fast approaching I decided to share his.

When I fell pregnant with Gabriel I was not at a good place in my life, I was unhappy and depressed and when I saw the 2 lines on that pregnancy test I was both elated but scared as hell.

I was scared because I knew how our families would react, I knew we didn’t have the money and I knew that I was already un happy in my marriage but to be honest there was a small part of me that hoped that this pregnancy would solve our issues, stupid I know because as my mom always says babies don’t fix marriages/ relationships…. 

World preemie day

November 17^th is world preemie day so I decided to take the time to share Loghan’s birth story, my preemie miracle.

When I fell pregnant with Loghan my pregnancy was great, incredibly easy, I only got sick one time, I didn’t have unhealthy cravings, wasn’t all that tired and everything just went incredibly smoothly and well.

Until at 36 weeks exactly I was standing in the cafeteria at my college and I felt this gush of water down my legs as I paid for my lunch, my first thought was holy sherbet did I just pee myself and then I was like nah can’t be all the while trying to act as if nothing had a happened, I finished paying for my lunch and launched myself out of there as fast as my waddling Prego self would carry me.

Jesse's birth Story

This evening I have decided to share Jesse's birth story.  I will share Gabriel and Loghan's stories as well but at a later stage, this is going to be a long one so either make yourself a cuppa or settle in for the long haul =)

So here we go...

Birth Plans and Birth Disappointment

I am an avid Youtube fan I love watching in particular family vloggers and over the year have acquired a small list of family vloggers whom I watch on a daily basis. 

This weekend one of those families welcomed their second child into the world, the mum attempted a vbac and was in labour for nearly 40 hours before the finally told her she needed to have a c section her water had broken, she had tried Pitocin as a very last resort but due to the way baby was lying against her pelvic bone he was just not going to come out naturally.

The disappointment and sadness on her face when she was told that she would have to go in was just heart breaking, I don’t think I have ever seen a sadness like that before from a woman just about to give birth, she had tried so hard and yet things just didn’t go according to her plan.

No more babies... how I feel, how I felt....tips and info

This is going to be a long post and one I have been contemplating writing for a while now.  I was sitting with Jesse in my lap this morning and feeling a bit sad thinking about how fast he is growing and that I will never again be pregnant, feel a baby grow or give birth.

I do not for a second regret the decision to have a hysterectomy, health wise it has probably been the best decision I have ever made, it still makes me sad sometimes though and there are many times when I have asked myself why?

20 months of breastfeeding what I have learnt and what has helped me

I have traveled through 3 incredible journeys of breastfeeding, each one has been vastly different from the next and each with varying levels of ‘success’, I am currently on 20 months of breastfeeding my youngest son and whilst I only breastfed my elder two sons for 4 and 3 months respectively there have been a few tips and tricks I have found that have helped me on my journey, so I have decided to share them in the hopes that they may encourage or help anyone who is struggling on their journey.

My response to Natural Birth arguments- no hate just response

This morning there was a discussion on a mom site about natural vs caeser again, I personally love this topic because I think it is great to see perspective from both sides, I have said before that I advocate a mothers choice when it comes to birthing options but there were a few topics discussed within this and one lady did say that in her opinion she does not why anyone would choose a caeser if there is no need so I would like to list my reasons adjacent to the reasons people advocate natural birth, this is my personal experience of course and I feel that it is a very personal choice, just a side not that these ladies were all very respectful on this topic and there were some very informative pieces of advice shared

The Great Debate

Ive touched on my breastfeeding journey before but I am sitting at 15 months now so I just thought I would reflect on my journeys so far.