Wednesday, 11 October 2017

Motherhood changes you- special needs mom

Being a mom has changed me in so many ways, so many wonderful awesome ways, the amount of joy and understanding my children have brought into my life is just beyond me and I can never thank the universe enough for allowing me the privilege of being their mom.

Being a special needs mom specifically has also changed me, in ways I have only come to see of late, probably because they have become more noticeable to me especially over the past two years when Loghan was reassessed the boys changed schools and I began to understand them better as a whole having met certain friends and people who showed me what to look for and how to better understand the quirks and needs that come with a special needs child.

For example walking through the mall seems simple right but of late it can become frustrating overwhelming and a trip filled with anxiety, I have realised that it is because I have become acutely aware of how these trips affect my children in different ways, the lights, the sounds; for many children it can become unbearable and thus I have gotten to the point where even I become overwhelmed and prefer to make a shopping trip as brief and as infrequent as I possibly can. 

However I have also become aware of how outside stimulation and sensory aids can help a child in the same way as a warm bubble bath with a glass of wine soothes my mind at the end of a rather long and frustrating day at work =)

You also learn to look at situations in a completely different light, for instance as a teen I remember looking at tantrum throwing children and frustrated moms and thinking hell that child is a monster, now that I have my own kids and I know that many children with spectrum or sensory disorders will have a meltdown as the result of over stimulation I am more prone to a reassuring smile and a greeting, yes sometimes the child may just be having a tantrum but it happens to all of us and I think we as women and a society need to realise that and stop the judgment that is overwhelming society and social media on a daily basis.

I have become more aware of teaching methods and discipline methods, and that every child is different no one method or form of education or disciple works for every child!

I have become incredibly aware of triggers and signs in children that show when they are tired, angry, scared or overwhelmed, once you know that they are there it makes your child far easier to read and help them through the situation, I have found this has led to a dramatic drop in meltdowns and general tantrums in our household and allows the boys to feel more comfortable and happy within our home space as they should.

I have become acutely aware of the dire need for special needs support and schools in South Africa and more specifically in our area, there are next to none and when you do find a support or school you pay for it heftily, this needs to change thus my involvement with the boys school and my newly developed passion for ensuring that special needs children and families are helped, heard and supported.

My children have given me so much and taught me so much, most of all they have taught me to love unconditionally and without judgment to be more aware and open to possibility and knowledge, I can never explain the wisdom and grace they have given me, I believe that our children come to us for specific reasons to teach us lessons and share their love just as we need to share life’s lessons and our love with them, sometimes life is hard and frustrating sometimes being a mom is difficult when you face challenges you never thought you would in ways you never thought you would but through the grace of the universe we learn and we grow and I am so incredibly grateful for the lessons we are able to learn as a family, together and from one another.

How do you feel your child has changed you as a person?

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