Tuesday, 12 May 2015

Patience and Understanding... from one mom to another

My, he is busy- oh my, they are spirited aren’t they… this seems to be the mommy polite version of… my kids don’t behave like that or holy moly; how do you survive…

The ladies who do this think the moms on the receiving end don’t get the hint of sarcasm that our children must just be naughty or ill disciplined, that their children are precious angels who can do no wrong- I have watched these sweet innocents on the playground and they are not always what they seem to be-  I have seen them trip kids, tease kids and bully kids… as soon as the child complains they are pictures of innocence and have done nothing wrong …. The other child must have done something to provoke them etc

That aside every now and then you find a mom to connect with, a mom who looks just as tired and highly strung as you do, one who turns to look at you with a shrug and a smile when their child is pushed because they know they are just kids being kids and 2 seconds later the roles are reversed her child pushes mine and then they are best friends for the remainder of their play…..
It is not always necessarily a mom with a special needs child either sometimes but unfortunately not often enough it’s just a mom who takes the time to understand that even though we love our children and love to think that they are perfect they are only human- little humans new to the world and trying to find their feet, their logic is simple you do something to me I will do it back whether its shouting, hurting, name calling etc, their natural instinct is defense even in the womb it has been proven that a baby will take every nutrient their mother has to live even if it means depriving their mother of what they need- survival is their only thought and well we try our best to instil in our children proper values and etiquette in order for them to go into the world as functioning everyday Joes that instinct remains and for some children it can be a little bit harder to hide it sometimes….

It’s not about sympathy, I don’t want people to look at me and feel sorry for me- my kids are amazing wonderful kids who bring me more joy than I ever could have hoped for, there may be a few… ok many grey hairs along the way, but they are incredibly worth every step of this journey good and bad, and I know there are many moms who feel the same.

Next time you see a mom and feel sorry for her don’t, I know it’s the easiest path but rather show some understanding, if something happens smile and say its ok I understand or actually engage within a conversation there may be things not visible to the eye to explain certain mannerism’s or behaviours that a child displays- they may come from a broken home, they may be ill or have a disorder or maybe they are just going through something and that is their way of working through it… my middle son sucks his thumb and rocks we were incredibly shocked when we were told he was doing this at school as he doesn’t do it at home- after some therapy it was established that he was feeling overwhelmed and insecure in a new environment, when my eldest son throws a fit he literally glazes over and I have to hold onto him until he calms down I have had to do this in a public space and received so many foul looks etc from passers-by, unfortunately for him every now and then he loses hold of his ability to control his impassivity to the common eye he seems naughty but anyone who knows us and Loghan will know that is not the case and that he has come so far in developing a hold on his impulsiveness and hyperactivity.  

Understanding is all it takes and I am grateful to have met some wonderful moms along my journey moms of special needs and non-special needs children who bring you a cup of coffee when you show up to work half-dressed and in disarray with bags under your eyes- moms who will sit and listen to you vent about how your child was sent home… again, moms who smile and go- its ok, it will all be ok…. 

Thank you for the understanding you show, you may never know how much it is appreciated but it is, every child is different as is every mom, home and parenting style, but the love we have for our children is something we share… 

I would like to encourage every mom who reads this to do something for another mom- maybe she is someone in the office or a neighbor you often see struggling with her bags and babies- whether it be a hello and a smile, a cup of tea I encourage you to do something small for someone else today to make their day somewhat brighter… I know from personal experience that even the smallest gesture can make the clouds disappear and can help you press on to another day.

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