Breastfeeding and the emotional rollercoaster that is weaning

Ask a mommy any mom what breastfeeding is like and you may be hit with a host of answers, for some it it bliss so easy and some not so much, some mange for 2 years some for a month, some babies hang on to the boob and some are disinterested....

A short while ago I made the decision to wean Jesse from the boob, to free the boobs as my hubby terms it, little did I know what an intense roller coaster ride it would be.....

Cancer awareness and a very sad month

October is the worst month for me not only is it Breast Cancer Awareness Month but it is also the month in which Pregnancy Loss and Infant Death Awareness Day falls and I always get very down and seem to hide away until the month is over, so I apologize If I don't blog much this month.

My grandmother passed on the 22nd of October, this year will be the 3rd year since her passing from Cancer, my grandfather passed away from Cancer when I was 7 years old.

Epic Mom Fail

So I am feeling a bit like a failure this evening, this week just didn't go as I envisioned.

Jesse is turning 2 tomorrow and today was supposed to have been his party at creche I had the cake and party goodies all planned out everything was going to be perfect and then the creche owner went and closed the creche letting us know on Monday and said I must just rearrange everything for Wednesday baring in mind I only got paid yesterday and baring in mind I had discussed the party with her at the end of last week with no mention of the creche closing, the teachers also weren't aware, so ya that was fail no 1 because the cake couldn't be made on time and I couldn't get everything I needed to as I hadn't been paid, we did mange to pull something small together and Jesse's teachers went and got him a huge cupcake and candle so he had a ball but I was just really cheesed as I had taken leave for today specifically to be there and so my mil could be there, I think it was incredibly selfish but apparently I am in the wrong because it was on a notice that was taken down months ago already and most of the things on said notice have changed several times and like I said I did discuss it with the owner last week but ya I was in the wrong....

That aside after searching everywhere me managed to find the gift we wanted for Jess at the price we could afford and because I was in such a rush whilst buying it I just grabbed a roll of wrapping I liked and paid , only this evening whilst wrapping did I realize the wrapping wasn't near big enough so guess what Jesse's gift had to be wrapped in... the only other thing I could find at this hour and that was pink tissue paper... failure number 2 oh and then I ran out of tape and had to scrounge up some ribbon.... not my finest mom moment, I know Jesse wont care but I do so not feeling at my mommy best this evening.

We are just having a small cake and tea tomorrow with the cake I ordered (O will post pics for sure), and I'm sure Jesse is going to love it as it is Curious George his absolute favorite, hopefully that makes up for everything else.....

So hard to let go...

So everyone knows that Jesse is our last baby, when I fell pregnant with him I had one thing that I wanted to get new and that was a cot of my choosing, my hubby and I went shopping and I fell in love with this Chelino cot that I saw, we picked sheets and a hypoallergenic mattress I envisioned rocking him to sleep as it could rock and I couldn’t wait to have him in it.

Well I can tell you that at almost 2 years that cot has only been slept in a few times and as it stands Jesse will be ready at some point in the near future to go into a big boy bed of his own… and yet the cot still stands in our room, I tell myself at least once a week that we should take it down and yet it still stands…

I just don’t have it in me to take it down it is as if that cot silly as it sounds represents the end of babyhood and babies for me, it is as if taking it down puts an end to it all and only affirms that my baby is no longer a baby… I never thought letting go would be so hard…

I need a hug

I have no idea what virus I have but its bad and it has hit me for a six I have literally spent the last few days dying on the couch and living off nothing but tea and water because every time I try to eat I just feel sick again, so ya I just feel like I have been run over picked up and thrown back again, its really not fun at all and I am frikken starving!!!!

Anyway so i just need a hug and some love today, hugs to everyone else who needs it today!