Friday, 10 August 2018

Not rocking it by a long shot...

Guys I am one struggling momma right now, you know how you have days when you think hey I’m rocking at this motherhood thing, my kids are in a good routine, they are doing well at school and at home, their turning out a ok and to top it off a clean and tidy well run home, ROCKING IT!!!!!

Right now I am not feeling like I am rocking it… not even a smidge, our routine at home is all over the place, my house is a mess (by my standards), all 3 of my kids have turned into attitude driven tyrants, holy moly guys I am beyond…. It feels like I am living in a war zone, like how, seriously how, one minute you are topping the world and the next the murphy’s law of parenting slaps you with a reality stick, like oh no you think you have it all figured out don’t you , here with go take a large slice of puberty and a slap in the face from I’m 4 going on 13 syndrome and lets just add a little sprinkle of you are ruining my life mom and package it all together with a neat little ribbon of sheer exhaustion and what did I do wrong… yeah parenting guilt is an amazing thing right!?

I would like to turn around and blame my mom for cursing me as a child when she said she hoped my children would turn out 10 x worse than I did so I could get a touch of my own medicine but I can’t let her take all the credit now can I.

First off puberty guys, seriously it sneaks up on you like a ninja and then suddenly you are faced with all these questions and even though hubby and are fairly open about these things there is always that nagging feeling of am I telling them too much, are they ready to know this stuff, will it not push them down the road of oh look mom meet my pregnant girlfriend I’ve know for 3 months, I’ve been the pregnant teen guys if it had to happen I would support my kids and their partner or even non partner if it didn’t work out in any way that I could, it doesn’t mean I want to encourage.

The attitude as well, the whole I am the oldest and must intervene and control every situation over and over I feel like a stuck record.

Then we have 4 going on 13 syndrome… ok so I may have made that up but it’s doesn’t mean it’s not real guys and its hell I am not even exaggerating, my child has gone from the sweetest little monkey in existence to this tantrum throwing drill sergeant, monkey see monkey do, I’m sure it is just a phase but seeing your brothers go through a meltdown probably hasn’t helped much either, one moment he is sweet and loving and I want to cry he is so adorable and then you say no and stick to it and poof gone kicking, screaming throwing things… mom of the year award goes to… someone else!

Then lastly we have the mom you are ruining my life which would be the voice of my dear Gabriel child because apparently we are just so rude to him all the time and he has just the worst life ever when I remove mine craft for bad behavior or tell him he needs to sit at the table for dinner, we are just awful parents so incredibly rude and unfair….

Throw us a bone boys seriously, throw us a frikken bone, we love you, all of you but come now all 3 at once… the drama oh the drama, I’m not sure that hubby or I will make it through this one with any thread of the sanity we have left! The crazy thing is you have all this older people saying ah it will get easier or it gets easier just see it through… I’m starting to wonder if some sort of happy hormone doesn’t realise when you child hits 18 like after giving birth that then murks up your memory of just how bad things really were because man oh man I don’t see how anyone can say that with a smile… maybe it is a smile of knowing like hmmf now its your turn *smirk.

The final crux of it all though is you can be so angry, so aggravated so beyond your patience level and then they come to you and tell you how much they love you or in Gabriel’s case how they loved you since they were born and you are a beautiful princess, they want to cuddle and show love and you just look at them like what just happened, it’s a trick I tell you, you can’t stay angry even if you try….

Parenting is not for sissies not by a long shot and the worst thing is... you made them, you willingly made these miniature versions of yourself and their father, that attitude, the sass and everything in between its you and dad all balled up in one tiny sized dictator ball of fun and all you can do is wing it and hope to the universe that it all turns out ok =)

Wednesday, 8 August 2018

If you had asked me a year ok or even 6 months ago if I thought that I would helping to run a school for special needs education I probably would have thought you were out of your mind, I will admit that although I was very involved in my sons school last year it was always so much easier at the end of the day to let someone else take on the more nitty gritty of what needed to be done I would always tell myself it wasn't my place, I have a full time job, I could never do this.... and yet here I stand.

Has it been easy... hell no...would I take it back... not for a second.

This experience has been one of the most if not the greatest learning experiences of my life and I cannot explain how thankful I am that the universe gave me that final push in this direction, after pushing it aside for so long.

There have been tears of joy and tears of frustration but things are finally starting to settle down and I am so incredibly proud of what we have achieved in such a short space of time.

This past weekend we officially moved into our premises, 2 weeks of packing... and repacking and then moving paid off and it was such a privilege to watch our students walk in on Monday morning full of smiles.

So I have neglected this space quite a bit but with good reason =)