Wednesday, 25 November 2020

A simple message...

 This is not my usual type of post and I know I have not been posting much lately… I have just found it difficult to put words together lately with everything going on in the world right now and trying to come to terms with the fact that this is our new normal and everything is not going to just magically return to normal come January 1st.

There are so many special people in my life who have gone through so much this year, illness, mental health struggles, the loss of loved ones and my heart just aches as a friend, a sister, a mother… a person; to see someone you care for struggle personally or because someone they value and love is struggling or gone is so hard and finding the words or the actions to support them through their struggles is probably the hardest thing.

What do you say or do? What can you say or do when nothing can make that person come back or take away the pain or the struggle, when all we can offer is a shoulder and sometimes even space and an ear when that person is ready I think sometimes we fail to see how valuable that support and space can be, sometimes it means more than we will ever realise.

We are approaching a time of year which as a whole is already an incredibly difficult time for so many, when we add Covid, finances and any other struggles into the mix I believe that it is so vitally important that we be mindful of those who need our love and support right now and going forward and that we remember to be grateful for what we have and that this time of year no matter your religious beliefs or culture signifies a time of togetherness, a time for reflection and a time of appreciation.

I remember so clearly the first xmas period after the breakdown of my first marriage, I still have pictures of the table over laden with a million gifts most of which I couldn’t afford in the first place and that my kids would never even play with I was so sure that it would fix everything and would help my children through what was probably one of the most emotionally confusing periods of their lives (spoiler alert; it didn't!), as the years have gone on I have taken so much from this period in my life and through this I have tried to explain and encourage my kids to be mindful of what we have or don’t have and that there are so many people and families out there that are not blessed to spend this time with their family members, who have maybe lost family members or don’t have a roof over their heads or a meal on the table as we do, how blessed we are to have all of these things! 

This post is just a reminder to all of us (myself included) to be mindful, to reach out to those who need us even if they require space a simple message to tell them you are thinking of them or a simple check in is sometimes worth more than we will ever know, to support each other and to lift each other up, to encourage togetherness in what has been an incredibly dark time for not only our country and those who we love but to the world and the loved ones of others as well.

Take this time to let your children be children after an academic year that has pushed them all out of their confront zones and routines, a year that has pushed them in every way possible, they have made it through and we all should be exceptionally proud of them, the teachers who have gone of their way to help them and we should remind ourselves to be gentle on ourselves if we feel that we have failed them this year in any way; homes have become both classroom and office and even a jail so to speak when no one could leave their homes, we have all had to make the best of what we have and whether we have cried, screamed or delighted in every moment of this time we have all done the best that we can with what we have in uncharted territory and that is what is important.

Take this time to thank your spouse or partner if you have one and your support system as well without them where would we be. Take the time to ask them what they need and where they want to be or want to go leading into the future; is there anything we can do to help? What support do they need?

If you have the opportunity to spend some time with your friends and loved ones this year (safely) then do so because we will never know how much time we have with each other.

Take this time to do something for someone else- provide a family with a meal, join the Santa show box project or invite someone to join you during the holidays if they do not have the support system you have or they are missing a loved one at this time.

Reach out to those who are struggling

Love each other and hold each other close

I hope that every single one of you, your loved ones and the loved ones of your loved ones are doing ok and that the year ahead although abnormal or not quite the normal we are used to is paved with blessings and support be that financially, physically or emotionally and may we find comfort in the support and blessings that we do have and the people that we are lucky enough to have surrounding us.


Friday, 11 September 2020

 So I have been radio silent for a while, I figured that with all that is going on in the world right now the last thing people need to see or hear about someone else's issues because quite frankly there are people dying, the world has just about lost its mind and so many people are hurting in more ways than one; financially, mentally, emotionally and physically 2020 for lack of a better word is just a complete f-up of note and all I want to do is curl up into a ball and cry.

So much has happened and I am just in a really bad space, I have an amazing support system; friends and family who love and support me beyond measure but becoming a burden upon them is quite frankly my biggest fear so I have tried, I really have; to put on the face, to find the light in the dark every day, but it has gotten to the point where I am really struggling to find that light, to pull myself up and out of the hole that is depression and worthlessness.

I have always  tried to be an advocate for mental health and awareness thereof, I encourage people to seek help, to reach out; I myself have an incredible psychologist and an aforementioned support system but it doesn't mean that every day or week or even month is a bed of roses and right now I just feel flat, dying from the inside out and I don't know how to pull myself through.

Our struggles with my eldest son in particular when it comes to his relationship with my husband and how that has affected our family life and quite frankly our marriage is devastating and my heart is so broken I don't think I can begin to repair the damage, the resentment and anger hangs in the air and it feels like no matter what I do it isn't going to provide a sustainable solution. I don't like who I am as a person right now, I don't like the decisions I have had to make or may need to make in the future or where I am in life right now, I just don't want to be here anymore, this space, this darkness, I so badly want to be the light that my children need, I want to be the loving and selfless wife and a good daughter and friend, I want to be a shoulder and support to those around me and it just doesn't feel like I am meeting any of those right now.

The pandemic has been the literal icing on the cake and I am sorry if this post is triggering to anyone or causes anyone distress it is not my intention to cause anyone discomfort or pain or to attempt to act like my issues are comparable to the pain or loss of what so many are going through at the moment.

It forms part of my personality and who I am to explain myself, I don't know what the solution is or where to from here and as a mom/family blogger I do feel like a failure and that I should be encouraging and uplifting my readers rather than offloading, from a personal perspective our family has more than one mental health professional involved so please do not see this as something that requires an intervention or emergency help etc, I just needed to explain I needed to express how I feel.

I just... I hope that everyone is keeping safe and healthy and that your family and loved ones are as well, I hope that if you have been affected by this lockdown period in any way that you will be able to see it through and come through the other side for the better, every single one of you is a light to someone just remember that.