Wednesday, 22 May 2019

Our bodies our choices- Woman's rights

At the age of 26 I gave birth to my youngest child and at the same time made the decision to be sterilized by way of a tubal ligation, I had asked my doctor to do this once before when I was pregnant with my second son at the time I was in my early twenties and the issues within my relationship and my deteriorating mental health as a result of that was very clear, she said no, that I was too young among other things she didn’t think it was a decision that I should be making at the time and she would not do it, at that time I was angry, it was my body my decision but in the end she was right because I divorced remarried and chose to have another child a few years later.

Whilst pregnant with my 3rd son my gynea asked me again as they normally do what my considerations for birth control would be post baby and without hesitation I again said sterilization and this time without hesitation she said yes, I was still very young at the time I was only 26 but she said yes, she said yes because as a woman she understood that I was done, she listened to my reasoning's as she had before she had walked the road of 3 pregnancies with me and some of my losses she had been my only gynae and this time she saw how happy I was within my relationship but she also saw the stress and toll that 5 miscarriages and 3 pregnancies had taken, she knew that my second son was special needs and all of that compounded into how I felt my feelings as a whole led her to say yes and I am forever grateful for that, a year after my tubes were tied I ended up going through a hysterectomy due to complications and I will admit there was a period after that where I went through some internal confusion but that was not because I wanted anymore children and to this day I do not have a single regret and am very grateful that I had a doctor who chose to listen to her patients and who as a woman understood that a woman has the right to a say over her body.

I remember when the medical aids started becoming more strict about covering c sections, thankfully my c sections were medically necessary so my choice was affirmed I was lucky. I remember talking to my doctor about it and how unfair it was and she replied with; a woman always has the right to choose if a woman wants a c section I will do everything I can to help facilitate that choice as I would if the mom desires a natural birth, and that is how it should be a woman should have the right to choose as long as her and baby are safe and well cared for- home birth, c section, natural, water birth it shouldn’t matter the choice is hers to make as is birth control and sterilization!

Why is that a man can walk into a doctor’s office at 22 and get a vasectomy but a woman has to be pressing 40 with at least 3 kids and one marriage under her belt before it is even considered?

Monday, 20 May 2019

Knowing your love language

 I am pretty sure most people are familiar with the concept or the book the 5 love languages by Gary Chapman, now whilst I may not agree with everything he says and am not myself religious or am not Christian this book has had a profound effect on my life and the way I navigate the relationships emotions and feelings within our home.

There was a point last year where my hubby and I went through a very bad patch if you will, it was really bad we were so out of touch with each other, hardly on speaking terms fighting all of the time, I saw so many things from my failed first marriage reoccurring and I could not understand why, here I was running our household, running the kids around ensuring everything was done, our bills were paid etc and my hubby would get home and go straight to his pc emerging to fall into bed at the early hours of the morning I couldn’t understand why, why me , why us why were we failing, I didn’t want us to fail, I loved my husband and I wanted our marriage to work, the more I did the more I gave the more my husband pulled away and shut down I did not understand what he wanted or needed or that by doing everything I wasn’t involving him I wasn’t affirming his importance in mine and our lives.

In between then and now so much has happened and we are in a better space now than I think we have ever been.

Now what has this got to do with the 5 love languages, if you haven’t do yourself a favor and head on over to Gary Chapman's website and take the quiz to see what you and your partners love languages are, you see Dr Chapman speaks about each of us having a love tank now our love tank starts off full and throughout our relationship we show and give love to our partners, now if we receive love back preferably by the way of our primary love language our tank will replenish and thus the cycle will continue and allow you to fulfill and continue a loving and healthy relationship.