An Epiphany of sorts

I’ve spoken before about my hysterectomy and how I had times where I felt like I wasn’t truly over or hadn’t fully come to terms with never having kids again but I realized this weekend that it has finally hit me and that I’ve reached a point where I am actually fine and dandy with never having another baby and I realized that I have accepted it in the funniest of ways.

You see I have always had this radar for a pregnant woman or belly; I have often been able to tell a woman is pregnant before she announces it or spotted a very well hidden pregnant belly before a pregnancy is announced but over the last few months I have seriously lost the ability or the inclination to do this… I have lost my super power… don’t laugh….

Seriously though 2 of my colleagues are pregnant and quite prominently so… I did not notice seriously not even an inkling until they announced it and then over the weekend I bumped into my gynea who is pregnant with twins… TWINS and I didn’t notice… I mean common right… so I was telling my mum about this and she said that it’s probably because I have moved over that stage in my life, I am no longer thinking about babies or expanding my family and I’m content to focus on my own children and not everyone else’s which sounds rather cold but when I thought about it, it made logical sense and that is when it hit me, I have finally moved on and forward and it no longer hurts to think about never having another baby because I am perfectly happy with my kids and our family as is…. It’s a good feeling actually… I mean I still like to ohm and ah over sweet baby feet and tiny outfits but it’s not the same… its strange… but a good strange if you get my meaning.

It was one of those aha moments… getting older does this to you =)

To chicken sh*t to adult right now...

I don’t know what it is… maybe it’s just an age thing, but when I was younger I LOVED confrontation and couldn’t keep my mouth shut to save my own behind at the best of times as I have gotten older however I have become a hermit in a sea shell abhorring and avoiding confrontation at all costs… well for the most part as there are still certain individuals that know just which buttons to push to get a reaction but back to what I was saying… it’s not that I care about what other people think on the contrary I give way less of a flying buzzard now than I did when I was younger… I guess I’ve just learned that you cannot win with some people and sometimes if you want to have a peaceful life you just need to reserve your frustration for a bag of potato chips or a sob story book… maybe even a pillow screaming session.

I just don’t want to fight in my life anymore… I’m tired I don’t want to be angry or resentful and lately there have been certain persons in my life who unfortunately I have no say over including in my life who are driving me to the point of near insanity and I know I need to say something, I know it is something that for the sake of my own mind and the sake of my kids I need to confront and get out in the open but well I’m just to frikken chicken shit to put my big girl panties on and do it because I know that a literal shit storm awaits once I do…

I really don’t want to be an adult sometimes I really don’t, sometimes I could easily cocoon myself in a blanket and just stay there… argh WHY 

Any volunteers to adult for me... nobody... ah crap... guess I'll have to then

Take maternity leave!

Take maternity leave you do not realize how important and amazing it is until you don’t take it and then do.

When I fell pregnant with Loghan I was in my first year of college so I went back when he was 6 weeks old, when Gabriel was born I was working and couldn’t afford to take maternity leave so I went back to work after 4 weeks.

So I had little to no time with either of them and when it came to being pregnant with Jesse I was determined to not let that happen again.

I worked for as long as possible going off at 38 weeks and giving birth a week later ( I also saved some leave) and I took off the full 4 months plus an extra week and a bit, I claimed uif so we budgeted and paid off what we could during my pregnancy to account for that, I even stocked up on as many toiletries etc as I could so that I wouldn’t have to buy any of that when Jesse was born, this included disposable nappies which I accumulated enough of that I didn’t have to buy any until I returned to work and had an income once again.

I spent every day of those 4 months with Jesse and they were wonderful, the first month we basically hid away indoors, my hubby took off 3 weeks, and post that it was just so wonderful to be a stay at home mom to all my kids for that period, I got to experience every milestone, breastfeeding was much less stressful and if I stayed up all night feeding it didn’t matter because I didn’t have to go to work and could dose with Jesse while my older two were at school if I needed to (not that Jesse slept through before a year but anyway), I could get into a routine as well, it truly was an incredible blessing and made me feel such grief for the time I had missed with Loghan and Gabriel after they were born, if I could turn back the clock I would have taken that time with them no matter what I would have made a plan, it makes me so sad to think of all the woman who are unable to take maternity leave, 4 months as it is in my opinion is far too little I wish they would give moms a year but unfortunately as things stand in SA 4 months is the best we can get.

I urge all moms to take this time trust me I didn’t know how much I had missed until I got to experience it after not having it.

No more nurseries in SA Hospitals

When I fell pregnant with Loghan the only 2 things I wanted for my birth was a c section and then to room in with my baby and even though I ended up with a c section it was an emergency c section due to prem birth and I didn’t get to room in with Loghan as he was rushed off to NICU just after he was born, it was extremely heart-breaking for me as I was told in order to successfully bond and breastfeed I needed to keep baby on me as much as possible and of course he was my baby and I wanted him with me it was only natural, I managed to breastfeed successfully thankfully and it did not affect my bond with Loghan but I do think it would have made things much easier and would have made such beautiful memories. 

When I fell pregnant with Gabriel my goals were the same and for one glorious day I got to have him with me in the maternity ward, he slept on my chest he fed and it was wonderful, until on day two when he was taken off to NICU as he picked up an infection post birth, I cried like a baby as I held my breast pump in my hands to the point that a very lovely tea lady came to sit beside me and offer some words of comfort, I cannot explain how much she did for me with just a few words I went from depressed to determined.

Jesse unfortunately also ended up in NICU so again I was denied the opportunity of rooming in with my baby but with him I went in determined that if anything should happen I would not let it bring me down…

That brings us to the title of this post and the subject of nurseries in hospitals, now as I said I really wanted to room in with my babies and having Gabriel even for that one day was just wonderful and I will always cherish that memory, if my babies had not ended up in NICU I would have happily kept them with me at all times as I personally felt that A- they were my babies they belonged with me and after leaving the hospital I would not have the nurses around to help or take baby so I could get some sleep, I also felt that with regards to breastfeeding there is a greater chance of success if baby is kept on or close to you as much as possible in the first weeks following birth, also having baby with you left less chance of a formula top up giving by a nurse who didn’t want to wake you.

I know there are moms out there who love the idea and made use of their hospital nurseries and honestly I think that you should be given the opportunity to a point, birth can be very traumatic, a woman who has been in labour for days without sleep or a woman who is having trouble post a c section may be better off taking a nap before taking on full care of her baby, every mom and baby is different and I feel that that the moms state of mind is crucial for babies care especially in the beginning where everything is new and especially for first time moms.

I had a wonderful time post c section I didn’t feel groggy and I couldn’t wait to get up and move around but I have one friend who had a terrible time and who was snarked at and ignored by nurses when she pleaded with them to take her baby, she then started throwing up and almost dropped her baby thankfully the woman next to her took her baby before that happened, every mom and baby is different and personally as much as I didn’t feel the need or desire for nursery care I do not feel it is something that should be all together taken away, I think it should be allowed however if the mom continues to ask then she should be told no more or should be referred to her doctor as to why she is requesting constant help, maybe it is a case of post-partum blues, maybe there is something else she is feeling unwell maybe something was missed?

What do you think, do you think they should be doing away with it all together, did you make use of the nursery yourself?

It's called affection and it's normal

It's been a few days since I saw the post against Victoria Beckham for kissing her child on the lips and I am still in awe of it.

I just cannot believe people are so against it I kiss my kids on the mouth at least once a day I love them they are my my kids there is absolutely nothing wrong with it and honestly if you feel there is then there is something wrong with you and you need to see someone urgently, of all the things people are concerned about or show concern over, people are dying everyday, woman and children abused every day but people throw a fit over a mother showing affection for her child it is so warped and wrong it makes me want to scream it's no wonder kids are growing up with a warped sense of affection and love if we are encouraged by society to see it as wrong and dirty there is a very big difference between appropriate and inappropriate affection giving your child a peck on the cheek or mouth is normal argh!!!

I am a proud momma and I will continue to give my kids love and kisses until the day comes where they are to embarrassed to be seen with me and that's that!

I do believe in fairies…

I do believe in fairies I do I DO!!!! 

I have one for a friend I promise you once you have met her you will never doubt it again =)

I have always told the boys about fairies and encouraged them to believe I think it’s wonderful and I do actually believe they exist, some people believe in angels I believe in fairies.

But moving back onto topic like I said I have always told the boys about fairies and one of the things that I grew up with that I have passed on to my kids is fairy kisses, you see as a child my mom would tell me that my freckles and I had a few were a sign that I had been kissed by a fairy and it always made me incredibly proud and happy to have freckles and still today its part of way I don’t like a full coverage foundation because I really like my freckles and like them to show through on my face.

In any case Loghan also went through a stage of being conscious about his freckles and so I explained to him what they were and he has been pleased as punch about his freckles ever since, he is however getting older and ‘wiser’ and thus when I fetched Loghan from his dad yesterday morning I was promptly told by Gabriel who pulled out his second loose tooth on Friday eve that the tooth fairy had not visited him that night because Loghan has said that there was no such thing, however Gabriel went on to say that he has whispered to the fairies that he did indeed believe and she came the next evening (sat) and even given him a kiss on the cheek he felt it =)

So I hugged him and to my absolute glee I saw upon his cheek a tiny freckle and explained to him as I did with Loghan before that he had indeed been kissed by a fairy as there was a freckle now on his cheek he was so happy and excited even more so when I explained this morning that it must have been a baby fairy as it is a small freckle and that makes him even more special and must mean he really believes which to his delight he exclaimed that he did.

I am a logical person but I believe in magick and I believe in fairies and I think this is a wonderful way to ignite a fiery imagination in your child as well as make them appreciate any sort of freckle or beauty mark that they may have on their bodies, I have my mom to thank for instilling this wonderful tradition and believe in my heart and I hope that my children will pass it on to their children one day as well!

Do you have any traditions or beliefs in your family I would love to hear about them =)