Wednesday, 26 December 2018

I just finished watching an episode of 60 minutes that detailed a 2014 story of baby boy, one of a twin who was abandoned in Thailand by his 'parents' after he was born with down syndrome to their surrogate, and this story has just broken my heart.... now I know this is an older story and to date the baby boy is still in Thailand taken in by his surrogate mother after the couple decided that he was not what they expected or wanted but it is still something that affected me so dramatically that I needed to speak about it here.

When I fell pregnant with Loghan, my doctor asked me whether I wanted to test for Down syndrome and my response was to ask whether it was mandatory or if she felt it was necessary, her answer was that I was young and that unless the results would prompt a decision to terminate or follow through with the pregnancy then no she did not feel it was necessary and so I decided not to do the test... with any of my children, now this is a personal decision and I would never judge a parent for making the decision in pregnancy to terminate due to health issues but for me I personally believe that our children find their way into our arms for a reason and I would not have terminated, these test are also found to be wrong so many times, so may woman give birth to healthy babies after being told their baby will be born with health issues and so many woman are told that their babies are healthy and then give birth to a baby with special needs, to me this is proof that the universe and her decisions are often outweighed by science and human existence.

What struck me about this interview though other than the parents clear disdain and disinterest in the child they left behind despite their words saying otherwise because their inaction was loud enough and other than the clear heartbreak displayed by the interviewer was how a parent could leave a child behind or abandon them because they are born with special needs or any kind of disability.  I have never looked at my children and their difficulties as something that affects my love for them or something that I regret,if anything there have been times when I have looked at them and questioned whether they do not deserve more than I have given them- more love- more time- more help or more understanding, as a mother I have always given them my all but I have also questioned whether it is enough or whether the universe made a mistake not in them but in me and thus watching this couple go on about doing all they can when they have not even bothered to call and ask after their child just broke my heart.

Looking at the pictures and reading the stories of this child 4 years later you can see how much this child is  loved in his smile and his mothers smile and it is obvious that he is in the best places but I am still shocked that anyone could look at their child and leave them behind whist taking their healthy sister with them because they did not get what was in their minds a perfect child, that child that beautiful baby boy is more perfect than words could ever explain, the surrogate saw that even before she gave birth to him and that is a mothers heart- despite the difficulties despite the fact that she was poor and disadvantaged and that he was not a child she intended to have she welcomed him into her arms and took him home while those who were supposed to care for him left him behind.

Parenting a child with special needs or difficulties is not easy- it is ok to feel scared to worry about whether you can give that child what they need, I know I still do, there are so many days where I cry, there are very few days that go by for me without worry and with complete peace of mind but I will continue to strive to give my children everything I can and the love they have for them and the blessings they have brought into my life just by being who they are is immeasurable.

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