I Know…

I know what it’s like the anxiety, the anticipation

I know…

I know what it’s like the second line appears and you want to jump with glee and at the same time vomit at the sheer thought of previous grief and pain

I know…

I know what it’s like to dream, a little boy or a little girl, what does it matter, few understand that. Names, small purchased items here and there, each week holds renewed hope…

I know…

I know what it’s like, a spot of red, its nothing you are reassured by your partner but your mind starts to race….

I know know…

I know the feeling coming home feeling empty, shattered visions and hopes…. Why me, not again…

I know…

I know the guilt that clouds over as you watch your other children run around, how dare you, how could you, you already have so much how dare you grieve when you have what so many don’t.

I know …

I know the grief that comes with seeing another child in the company of yours and the thoughts of what may have been…

I know…

I know the pain that comes out of nowhere for years to come, the smallest trigger, a day… a season… and item of clothing or a toy you put away because it was too hard to part with it….

I know…

I know how you feel…. There are so many of us out there… woman who have lost…woman who try to hide the pain, still birth, miscarriage… the loss of a child my heart still aches and now it aches with you…