My Loghan bear

With tears in my eyes I just finished reading a post written by a mother who gave her son up for adoption when he was already 4 months old and it got me thinking about Loghan and my choice to keep him when I was encouraged by so many- my parents included to either adopt or abort him.

As I look at him now he will be 9 next week and I could not be prouder to call him my son and know that he is mine, I fell pregnant at 18 at the end of my matric year.

His father was in grade 11, I had no stable income and was off to college in January, it would have been easy to turn away to give him up or terminate to carry on with life as it had never happened… only for me it was the opposite as I knew from the get go those would not be an option for me, this sea monkey growing inside of me, my baby; was mine and I wanted him, I didn’t care that it would be difficult and I had no doubt that it would be, my mother made us go out and take stock of baby item prices and make up lists of everything we would need so we would see the cost and change our minds, she threatened to disown me and threw me out for a little while, but truth be told nothing she would have said would have change my mind and even if my ex had walked away I would still have carried him and brought him into this world as mine.

I have not one regret… not one, selfish as it is Loghan has probably done more for me as his mother than I could ever do for him or hope to do for him, he has changed me in more ways than I could ever explain, I have grown and learned in so many ways that I never could have without him and he came into my life and my arms at a time in my life when I most needed stability and a good wake up call, he is my centre my ground… my earth every day I carried him was a treasure every smile and coo a gift, every mile stone a lesson and every bump in the road a strength I will forever cherish, I owe so much to him as crazy as it sounds because I am his mother it really should be the other way around but truly I can never explain how much he has done for my life and for me…

I can honestly only hope that he feels half the measure of what I feel for him for me because what I feel for him and the journey we have traveled thus far is immeasurable.

I am so proud of you my Loghan bear!