Tuesday, 13 May 2014

the significance of love and seeing it in others

Its amazing how people can change, often times they can surprise us when we don’t think they ever could.

I find it particularly eye opening when you are in a relationship that doesn’t work out, you go your separate ways find other people and suddenly find that you are far more willing to make sacrifices and changes you would never have done for that other person, makes you wonder if you ever truly cared for the other person, in my opinion you did just not in the way you thought or as much as you thought, I think often we find ourselves so much in the moment so in love with the thought of being in love that we convince ourselves that we have found the one, when in actual fact it is an illusion.

I think it is simple you know you have found the one when you are willing to do everything and anything for that person bar anything that would count as psychologically insane lol and if of course that person is willing to do the same for you.

What spurred this thought is that my ex is getting married in August, when we met, he was self-proclaimed Satanist….. mmm ok, I am Pagan and we just never discussed our beliefs with each other, today as far as I am aware he stands as atheist, with a Christian fiancé and they are getting married in a church.
This firstly amused me because I could never picture my ex standing in a church, but it also made me think that he must really care for his partner in order to do that for her, which I can respect, I think that him and his fiancé are very well suited to each other, they seem to complement each other in a way that he and I never did and I think that is great, I really hope that they will live a long and happy life together as is my hope for me and my husband.

If I look at my husband I know that there is much more to our relationship than I ever thought was possible he truly is my best friend, my partner, the father of my youngest son as well as an amazing step father to my elder children there is not a day that goes by that he is not by my side and I simply cannot imagine my life without him, I know that I am not the easiest person to live with, with my ocd and certain ways of doing things, I also came into this relationship with many trust issues and lots of baggage, my husband was patient and understanding every step of the way and it has only strengthened our relationship, we argue we get mad at times with each other, but we never leave each other angry, one of us or both of us will always apologise even at times if it was not our fault or we cannot remember our reason for arguing in the 1st place, in my mind I cannot imagine another person at my side and often think of us in our old age together with a smile on my face at the thought of what is to come.

Does it mean that every relationship up until now meant nothing, no I value every relationship I have ever been in as every person has helped make me who I am today, however in my opinion it does mean that in most of my previous relationships I fooled myself into fantasy bubble of perfection the rose tinted glasses fooling myself into believing I was in love when I wasn’t, some relationships I got into for purely selfish reasons which I am very sorry for, I can honestly say out of all my relationships I have only felt true love from both sides with Jaco.

I think everyone will find this kind of love in their lifetime sometimes it may take years sometimes you have to go through divorce or many failed attempts but when it does happen you will realise as they say why it never worked with anyone else before, if you are in a relationship that is one sided whether from your side or your partners I think you owe it to yourself or them to move on to allow them and yourself to find the person you are waiting or searching for, don’t settle for 2nd best don’t settle at all, never allow your partner to make you feel unloved or disrespected because then you are doing yourself more of a disservice than your partner is by treating you that way, it took meeting Jaco for me to understand that and I could never explain how grateful I am to him for showing me that.

A relationship is a 2 way street it takes patience and honesty, it is trial and error but demands great respect for your partner, it involves swallowing your pride and compromise and at times can be just as bitter as it is sweet when hard times befall you but if you face it as a unit I truly believe you can face any challenge, it is not easy and at times you may not like the choices you have to make but if you can see through it with your partner then you know you have found a person to see you through everything when you find that person hang on through everything because some people will reach the end of their days not having realised who that person is, having passed them by or overlooked them for some or other reason, I still believe that that every person will have that person in their life at some point or another it is about recognising that persons significance and holding onto them, soul mates come in many forms as friends or family members there may be more than one but when it comes to love I think there can be only one and I hope that everyone finds them.

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