Gabriel's birth story

So I have shared Jesse’s birth story on here as well as Loghan’s with Gabriel’s 6^th birthday fast approaching I decided to share his.

When I fell pregnant with Gabriel I was not at a good place in my life, I was unhappy and depressed and when I saw the 2 lines on that pregnancy test I was both elated but scared as hell.

I was scared because I knew how our families would react, I knew we didn’t have the money and I knew that I was already un happy in my marriage but to be honest there was a small part of me that hoped that this pregnancy would solve our issues, stupid I know because as my mom always says babies don’t fix marriages/ relationships…. 

To say that Gabriel’s pregnancy was my most difficult would be an understatement, I was extremely tired and fatigued which was only made worse by my depression, I was in and out of hospital on a weekly basis with infections and premature labour, I had to have my appendix removed whilst pregnant at which point we were told we may lose him and then I ended up with swine flu and in isolation for a week, I was deeply unhappy and quite honestly just wanted his pregnancy to be over which makes me feel so incredibly guilty as a mom because instead of enjoying those precious moments with my child I spent 9 months angry and upset all the time.

My doctor didn’t think we would make it to full term but surprisingly we did, Gabriel was due on new year’s eve but my c section was scheduled a week beforehand, unfortunately my exes boss refused to give him time off so we had to ask my doctor to re schedule for 38 weeks which she was not happy about at all but there was no way around it at that time.

I think this picture is very tell tale of how I felt

So December 14^th rolled around, I had worked my last shift the night before and was up bright and early and not very happy, let’s just say by this time I was finished and ready to have my baby.

So off we went to the hospital, we arrived and the nurses asked me how far along I was, I told them 38 weeks, they looked at me rather strangely but got me settled into my room and off they went, I was due for my c section at 8 so when it came and went I started to get very agitated and wanted to know what was going on.

A few minutes later my doctor and the NICU doctor came into the room, they said that the nicu was full and that they did not want to do my c section that we needed to wait another week, by this time I was finished I had had several rounds of steroids and was just so tired so we made a decision that I still feel guilty about to this day, we told them that we wanted to go ahead as planned.

My first glimpse!

My biggest baby so gorgeous he was

Reluctantly the doctors consented and we were taken to theater at 10am, Gabriel came out screaming and I was so relieved, we were taken back to the ward and everything seemed fine, I was so in awe of Gabriel, he was so big (compared to Loghan) and just so perfect, I just marveled at him and didn’t want to let him go.

Unfortunately the next day I was told that he needed to be taken to the NICU and thankfully by this time a bed was available for him; he had picked up an infection post birth and needed to be put onto antibiotics and such.

I was heartbroken, I cried buckets and was so incredibly angry with myself for not waiting I cried to hysterics on the bed holding the breast pump I now had to use, to the point where the tea lady came in sat on the bed and gave me a hug, I can never thank her enough for that kindness she spoke with me and assured me that it was ok and that he would be ok and by the time she had left I was focused on the way forward.

On the morning of day 4 I left the hospital without Gabriel, my heart was in pieces as this was the 2^nd time I had to leave my baby behind and go home, thankfully he only needed to be in for an extra 2 days and I was allowed to room in at the hospital the night before he came home which I didn’t have with Loghan, Gabriel had to spend the night on a weight sensitive breathing mat, I will never forget I woke up and out of instinct picked him up from the bassinet to change him and removing him from the mat set of a very high shrill alarm that had nurses running in from all directions, I got such a freight. 

We got through the night and went home the next day, adjusting to 2 children was a bit crazy, if I think about it I found it so much easier to adjust to 3 from 2 than from 1 to 2.

Gabriel was the most amazing and calm baby I always joked and said Loghan was my coffee baby and Gabriel was my chai baby because he was so incredibly calm and chilled he slept through from a few days old, he fed well and never cried he was just such an incredible blessing and he gave me the strength to say enough was enough and to walk away for the sake of my children as well as my own happiness.

My gorgeous toddler

Today Gabriel is my child of unicorns and ponies always in a world of his own always happy to play on his own with only his imagination as company, he is incredibly dramatic but also incredibly sweet and I am so proud to be his mommy! In a week he will be 6 the time has just flown by...........

My magickal wonderful child