Incredibly blessed

Another weekend has come and gone, after the craziness of last week I have to say I looked so forward to just being at home with my family… we aren’t very outgoing people, both hubby and I especially since Jesse’s birth prefer to just be at home in each others company and I love it, not that being away from each other is wrong but I like knowing that unlike some couples and families we actually enjoy being around each other and in each other companies as we should, especially partner wise how can you expect your marriage or relationship to survive if you cannot enjoy or do not enjoy sharing that persons company, and I have definitely found that as I get older I enjoy and prefer being at home or being close to home, whereas when I was younger I hated being home I wanted to be out all the time and to stay out all the time now I genuinely am happiest when in the company of those I cherish most.

This weekend I tried very hard to focus more attention specifically on Gabriel after last week events I cannot explain the guilt I was feeling at Gabriel feeling in any way left out or like he was receiving less love and attention than his younger and older brothers…

We did end up having a 2^nd appointment with Gabriel and Loghan’s teacher- Loghan despite last week’s incident is doing incredibly well and I am so grateful for the time and effort that his teacher puts into him and his schooling every day, his school in general is just fantastic and I owe so much of Loghan’s progress to them and the teachers he has had.

We did come up with a few ideas in an attempt to make help Gabriel in the interim of him being assessed and on Friday he did well for the majority of the day…. And then he bit someone’s… oi vey… I cringed that is all I am going to say…

So I tried in every way I could to make sure he knows how much he is loved this weekend I cuddled him as much as I could I spent time playing with him alone, I also made a very conscious effort not to raise my voice or get cross, I spoke softly and gently and all of this made me realize just how much I have missed him, he has always been such an easy child- my angel befitting the name he was given always willing to play happily on his own in his own world that we have always left him to do his own thing while Loghan on the other hand simply cannot do anything on his own he craves constant attention and hates doing anything independently, and Jesse being our baby has needed more attention because well he is a baby, so through all of this I can definitely see how lost he must be feeling how in the middle and left out, I have never known what it is like to be a middle child and neither has my husband so this is a new journey for us… I don’t want any of my children to ever feel unloved or lacking in attention all 3 of them are just the most amazing blessings in my life and I want them to always feel like that is the case….speaking of Gabriel specifically he just so amazing, he sees things and pays attention to the details in life we so often miss, he marvels at the beauty around him and manages to create things in his mind that are just so incredible….

So as this weekend progressed we definitely saw a change in Gabriel as we lavished more individual attention on him, be became so much more open and loving he literally hugged me and lay by me or sat by me all day and the amount of times he said I love you mommy just made my heart sing, having said that focusing more attention on Gabriel meant Loghan acted up quite a bit against his brother fighting for more individual attention on his side… the results were to the point that at one stage yesterday afternoon I was feeding Jesse, Gabriel was lying on my legs and Loghan was playing psp by my head and asking me to watching him play…. Sigh these are the moments that make motherhood just so incredible…

I truly believe that our children choose us just as much as they are given to us, they come into our lives because we are meant to have them specifically as our children, they have things to teach us, life lessons that we would not under other circumstances have learnt- yes my children are such that they require extra care and love, they require more patience and understanding than most children do, there are days when it is not easy, days where I wonder why they have been given such difficult paths… not me them, but every time I find myself wondering why, I find myself seeing qualities in them that other children don’t have and it that way I feel I am more blessed, I am blessed to have such incredible souls to cherish and raise as my own, I am blessed in the lessons that they teach me every day, even though sometimes it can be difficult for me to understand why I know that there is always a reason …. Always…