Friday, 13 March 2015

I love you even more

At the moment I feel… fudge I don’t even know, I am just all over the place right now so out of focus so on another planet….

Thankfully I seem to have gotten over the pharyngitis that I had, I am still getting the headaches and still feel a bit bleh but I will get those blood tests done when I can.

On Tuesday I received a call from Gabriel’s teacher to say that she is just not getting through to him and she would like us to all sit down and see what we can do… fair enough so I called the gentleman we saw with Loghan to schedule an appointment to see if maybe he could help in the interim or just give us an idea of what we could do so long or what was going on in Gabriel’s head…

The appointment went well enough the psychologist did detect a few issues mainly anxiety, sibling rivalry, regression from independency and well a need to fight for attention no matter the manner in which he needs to achieve this… he also suggested that we cannot rule out a sensory disorder or even Asperger’s….

To say that my heart sank is an understatement and it’s not because I would love my child any less if he is but because I feel like I have failed him as a mother how could I miss the signs did I really pay that little attention or focus to my middle child that I have missed something that has been right under our noses, I am so angry with myself…. Gosh I honestly don’t know what to think, I have always said Gabriel is my magickal child, my child of rainbows and ponies always in his own world, different but unique and wonderful in that difference… our whole family is quirky its what I love most about us…

After speaking with the teachers later on Wednesday afternoon many signs came to light in the school environment as well as the ones we are experiencing at home…

Lack of empathy
Rocking back and forth in a baby like position
Sucking thumb the whole day
Bad posture
Extremely picky eater
Bad sleeper
Prefers certain fabrics against his skin
Does not function well in crowds and gets more agitated the bigger the group
Goes from hyper to fatigued in the blink of an eye
Does not show interest in something other than his own interests
Refuses to make eye contact, squeaks and looks away when been spoken to
Tantrums and preforms or become agitated if put out of his routine or needs to do something he doesn’t want to at that time.

There are others but you get the gist, in short we seem to be on the right track…. This makes me both happy and sad….

I am happy that we are on the right track and at the end of it all we will be helping Gabriel like we did with Loghan, I am sad that we didn’t pick it up earlier and I am sad that he will have to go through a lot and may not understand why…

So we have been advised to have him assessed properly as well as the psychologist will be observing him next week at school and crèche to try and see for himself how Gabriel behaves in a less formal environment than the doctors rooms type of thing…

These appointments are expensive we already have to take Loghan at month end in order to continue his medication and reassess his progress… so as you can imagine when I brought up a 2nd appointment with my ex I was met with a no and we cannot afford it…. Well neither can I but what can you do when its what your child needs in order to help him function better in life as well as to keep him from hurting others or himself and getting asked to leave the school…

O I called to make the appointment this morning with literal tears in my eyes… unfortunately they do not offer a payment plan so that’s that its ok I like 2 minute noodles and hey I have a few last kg to lose so why not, I know I am doing what is best and needed for my child, I want him to be happy I don’t want him to feel like school is an awful scary place to be.

Its scary… motherhood can be scary, you go into it never thinking that you may be dealt a more difficult hand of cards, but I wouldn’t change it for the world my children are special just because they need some extra care and love does not mean I will ever love them any less in fact it only makes me love them more, they are unique and special and they are mine….

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