Wednesday, 24 October 2018

Trying to be more of a “No” person in a “Yes” world

Do you ever feel like you just cannot say no when something is asked of you be it from a friend, a loved one or even a boss or colleague?

I feel like we are brought up in a world where saying no when something is asked of you is seen as disrespectful, rude or selfish, I mean we bring our children up to do as they are told right, we teach them that they need to be selfless and to give unto others in order to gain friends, praise or to get anywhere in life, we very rarely teach our children to be selfish.  Could this be a bad thing? 

I mean motherhood comes along and people tell you to look after yourself, make time for yourself to treat yourself because a happy and fulfilled mom equals a happy and fulfilled family/children.

Sometimes the scales may tip and balance becomes unsettled we struggle to juggle selfish and selfless, we want to give, we want to help we want to say yes… some of us struggle more with this than others and you would not think that being a people pleaser for lack of a better word is detrimental but I have seen that it can be, the problem I have found that once you start saying yes to everything, once you give and give, it becomes an expectation, something that is taken for granted and abused, and yet still you give because if you don’t who will?

There are many reasons leading to why we feel we cannot say no:

  1. You don’t want to be seen as impolite
  2. You’re flattered to be asked to do this thing
  3. You think ‘If I say no, then who will do it?’
  4. You think ‘No one can do this job as well as me therefore it must be done by me’
  5. You want people to like you
  6. You’re afraid of missing out on something
In my case it is very much if I don't who will, or if I don't I will offend the other person or will be adding to their list of things to do instead of helping them.

I speak from the heart when I say it begins to eat away at your soul and yet you still cannot say no, you still want to give, you still want to try.

I have struggled with this for a while now it is incredible difficult to change what has become in part your nature.

You keep saying yes, you keep taking on more and more, you become overwhelmed, anxious and/or depressed and if you are anything like me it leads to complete burnout and a crumbled heap of an emotional mess who cries over a snapped broom handle (yes this happened)

I have realized that I need to say yes to myself more or to stop saying yes to others to the detriment of my family and myself, it is ok to say no sometimes we do not always have to be selfless sometimes it is ok to be selfish.

I would love to know your thoughts; do you feel we are raised within a society of unfair expectation and people pleasing/ or the need to say yes?

Do you feel that we need to teach our children to be more selfish to attend to their own needs as well as the needs of others or do you feel that we need to teach them to be less selfish?

Don’t get me wrong there are many in the world who won’t go out of their way for anyone and that is what makes being a “Yes” person so difficult because there is always someone who will abuse or misuse said nature of another person.

I hope this post actually made sense, it did in my mind but then again with this Cape Town heat I am more than a tad sleep deprived and if I meet another magickal unicorn who manages to sleep through this heat with no aircon and no issue I am going to just go into a corner and rock myself into oblivion because How!?

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