Monday, 29 January 2018

Fighting our demons

As the saying goes we all have our inner demons to fight.

I have spoken on many occasion about my struggles with eating/body image disorder, how I have worked through it, the struggles and the triumphs and up until recently I had been feeling really good about my body and how far I have come, but as with all demons, the problem never truly goes away it is always there waiting for opportunity, waiting for a slip or a weakness.

There are so many incredible people out there who somehow manage to fight their demons and go forward whether the problem is drinking, drugs, abuse and I admire each and every one of them because it isn’t easy… not by a long shot.

This past month has been incredibly difficult for me as I said up until fairly recently I was feeling really good about myself and what my body has managed to achieve and give to me over the years ie 3 beautiful children and 30 years of life, I’ve managed to stay on top of things really well, no meds no harsh comments to myself every time I step in front of a mirror… that is until this holiday period where I somehow managed to gain a fair amount of kilos and my self-esteem came crashing down around me, I know it’s ridiculous logically I know that a few kg of extra weight is the least of my worries what with the drought we are experiencing and a number of other things going on at the home front, but the illogical always seems to worm its way in, I have been working my tail off with exercise and good eating and the weight isn’t shifting, I cannot stand in front of a mirror right now without feeling ashamed and I know how terrible that sounds and I know my body is something I should be proud of but the demons still find their way in and right now they are winning.

I hate feeling this way, I don’t want to feel this way and I know that it is more than likely a search for some sort of control amongst all that is going on around us right now, this morning I put on a skirt that shows some leg and I have thus far spent the better part of the day trying to cover up as much as possible, regretting the fact that I walked out like this, this morning… I’m struggling and just not sure where to go from here.

I want to be a positive role model for my children and their health, at the end of the day I know that logically it doesn’t matter what a person looks like as long as they are happy within themselves that beauty and confidence shines through….I feel ridiculous writing this post because I feel like this issue is just so stupid and thoughtless in comparison to the many issues and problems so many people are facing around me… I just can’t help but wonder if I am just too weak to push these issues aside or if something inside me just doesn’t want to, how can I ensure that my children love themselves and have confidence in their bodies and themselves if I don’t have it…..

So here I am asking for advice, I know not everyone wants to share their story and that’s fine but I would love to know what makes you feel confident and good about yourself and your body what do you do to boost that inner voice!?

No comments:

Post a Comment