I am a mother of three boys and up until now I have been silently following the story of your sons sexual assault, rape has become such a common place occurrence in our lives these days that I will be honest and say that whilst it disgusted me and made me angry it was not until the letter from you as a father was posted that I could no longer silence my thoughts on the matter, not that they matter right I am just another woman in a sea of woman what will my thoughts and opinions do, you will probably never read this anyway but I wish you would.
When I read your response I first thought of South Africa’s own Para- Olympian Oscar Pistorius also a swimmer and A class athlete who has represented our country so many times, guilty of shooting his long term girlfriend on valentine’s day in 2013, his family and his lawyer also appealed for leniency as his career, reputation and health would be at stake with this case, he killed a woman, a woman he’s supposedly loved but all that was nothing in comparison to his career and his own life right?
That is what I thought of when I read your appeal and it made me sick to my stomach, how you can actually think that your sons actions have no impact on the woman he assaulted how you could think that 6 months justifies what he did, I know that as a parent knowing that your child has done something like this or being told that your child did something like this must be incredibly painful but how can a decent parent not believe he needs to accept the consequences of his actions and at least dam well acknowledge that what he did was sorry, nope no remorse no acknowledgment NOTHING!!!
I can tell you that 2 of my children have been exposed to sexual misconduct by other children and have in turn acted out because of this, it is incredibly painful to know that anything has happened to your child it is even more painful to be told your child or someone you love has done something to someone else but I will tell you that as hard as it is it is your responsibility as a parent to ensure that your child knows that what happened or in this case what they did was wrong to ensure that they verbally acknowledge and understand this and to also ensure that they accept the consequences of their actions or if the opposite is the case to ensure that it is reported or steps are taken from thereafter.
You have failed in that department and your son has learned nothing other than that you condone his behaviour and what he did was not wrong he may even go on to do this again in the future or he may even act out this sort of behaviour with future partners or his wife, you have also done your son a great disservice because he can only learn from what he is taught I am no ways saying that all parents are at fault when it comes to their children’s actions however in this case it is plain to see that your frame of mind and way in which you view what happened has influenced your sons behaviour.
My kids as young as they are have seen a prison cell, they have been taken to see one, they have been told all about Jail and the consequences of criminal behaviour because they need to know that there are consequences to every action!
The woman that your son assaulted has to live with this every day, it will influence the rest of her life, it will influence her future relationships and when she has her own children and for that it is my hope that every time your son closes his eyes he sees her face, that every time he competes if he is still able he will feel as though everyone knows and is watching him with disgust, it is my hope that woman will keep their daughters far away from him and he will forever be marked by this because if the justice system does not see fit for punishment then may his own guilt and conscious if he has one and the public be that justice in its place.
Know that just as your son has failed to present himself as a decent human being you have failed to present yourself as a decent parent.