Tuesday, 5 May 2015

On to Wonderland....

I remember the 1st time I felt down and I don’t mean down like a little sad I mean down to the point where I just didn’t want to be around anymore…. I was 15

From the age of 15 I have experienced many highs and lows some that have been easier to climb up and out from and some not so easy… I have self-harmed, turned to drugs and alcohol, I have pushed loved ones away and said things I didn’t mean because I just felt so bad that I didn’t care anymore.

This all changed somewhat when I had my eldest son… I was so incredibly happy he was and still is my pride and joy and I had everything I wanted or thought I wanted, I won’t go into detail but the picture perfect white picket fence dream went up in a poof of smoke after I had my 2nd son and I crashed badly.

Since then my now husband has been my rock, the one I turn to when I’m down and don’t know how to see the light, he loves me enough to let me have my space when I need it but also give me a kick under the butt when enough is enough, he pushes through the times when I lash out or when I don’t want to do anything or be around anyone… he is just unbelievably amazing and I could never have asked for a better partner, together him and my kids are what pulls me through each and every time they are what I live for and strive for.

I know there are people out there who feel that depression is just someone feeling sorry for themselves- I have had people tell me to get over it or why can’t I just buck up and push through, but anyone who has a history of depression or is depressed will tell you that it’s simply not that easy… it is not that you want to feel bad or choose to, believe me there have been so many times when I look at myself in the mirror and go what the hell is wrong with me why can’t I just smile and go on with my life- I am so blessed I am happy so why do I feel this way….

Lately there have been so many things getting me down and after reading a few comments from friends and loved ones I decided enough is enough it’s time to pull myself out of this slum one way or another and I’ve decided the best way to do this is by starting a project, one that I am incredibly excited for and will involve some of the wonderful ladies on a group site I am a part of, these ladies are all different they all have different styles and personalities we see each other through the hard times and get excited and happy in the good times, I cannot think of any better suited ladies to help me and I have to say since making the decision to do this the focus and positivity has been a great help.

The project will include several parts- a post on the facts of depression and what it’s like for me and my family, there will then be a photo project and this is where those lovely ladies come in…. more to follow soon…

No comments:

Post a Comment