loss of words...

After a really great start and positive attitude towards my day I am now feeling rather low.

When the majority of your friendships are built up online it can be both an incredible and not so incredible journey and experience, sometimes things can be said online that are taken up the wrong way or not as intended and words can be said that can be taken to heart in the incorrect manner, I don’t think it is fair to expect a perfect online relationship, everyone has disagreements whether in real life or not it’s what makes us individuals and what makes it different.

People react to grief or different situations in one manner as some people have been known to laugh when they hear of someone’s passing so to can people react to certain journeys and situations differently which may not be understood by others or may hurt others in a way that was not intended.

I am a loss mom with 3 gorgeous kids, my journey and experiences have not all been sunshine and daisies in fact sometimes they were horrid or traumatic and have left an impression on me that I will carry forever, I love to share my experiences I love to talk about them and hear other peoples perspectives and opinions, I especially love to hear about great experiences even though I may not have shared the same outcome it makes me feel like there is more good in the world than we sometimes want to see or allow ourselves to see, I forget sometimes that not everyone feels the same and may take offense to it, or it may be a triggering experience for others.

I often find myself in tears when I find out a loved one or person I know is pregnant not because I am sad but because I hope with every fiber of my being that they have a wonderful experience from start to finish, I think of the fear and anxiety I had with each and every pregnancy each and every test and scan into the second trimester because all my losses was first trimester ones, everyone that has gone through a traumatic experience will carry it through with them and everyone will react to this and take from it something different the pain doesn’t go away it is always there, I see it when I hold my children when I look at their faces as they sleep; when I watch them grow, I choose to talk about it because that is my way of coping it is however not how everyone copes, it hurts to hurt someone else especially when you hold them and their opinions in such regard and especially when it is not intentional and your heart and thoughts are in the right place.