Wednesday, 11 November 2015

When dual parenting/ shared custody is difficult

Anyone who knows me or has been following my blog for a while knows that I am on my second marriage and that my 2 eldest boys are from my first marriage and that their father and I have have 50/50 living arrangements.

I took me years to get to the point of being 'ok' with this arrangement for the first year at least I cried myself to sleep almost every night and was noticeably depressed to the point that I almost ruined my relationship with my now husband and went back to my ex in order to not be separated from my children, thankfully it only lasted a week my ex and I had both moved on and it would never have worked we were far happier apart.
Anyway we have had many ups and downs but for the most part of late its been great and the boys are happy what I was concerned about when Jesse was born was that Jesse in particular would struggle at one point with the concept that his brothers were not always home.

Up until now he has seemed to relish in the time he has us to himselves and he can technically live as an only child with undivided attention however for the last week every day he has asked at least once a day where his brothers are and of course when we say they are at their dad he gets incredibly confused and says no no.

Its times like this dual custody/ parenting becomes very difficult I am always \very conscious of posting pictures when I only have Jesse often I feel guilty because I miss the boys and they are not with me, I would never want them to look back and feel like I loved their brother more or showed Jesse more attention when it is so far from that!

My heart still breaks when they leave it doesn't matter how much time passes, I know a few moms who share custody or whose kids stay with their ex partner and not them and my heart breaks for each and every one of you because I know how hard it can be.

I know as far as the boys are concerned I never want them to feel like theor were kept from their father so as long as they are happy I need to still my mommy heart and encourage it.

They are my heart and I hope they always know that.

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