Wednesday, 14 October 2015

I am 1 in 4- International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day

Miscarriage, still birth and infant loss... these are words that create nightmares in the minds of any mom or parent and whilst this subject is still one that most would rather push aside it is something that up to 25 percent of woman will experience at least once in their lifetime..

I am mom to 3 beautiful angels on this earth but I am also mom to five who left this world before I had the chance to hold them or share them with the world, it is also something that up until recently I have not been very forthcoming about or willing to share, albeit to a select few.

Not only does it cause me great pain to think about them but I have also found that many people are still uncomfortable regarding the subject of infant and pregnancy loss or they would just rather not hear about it which makes it even harder for awareness to be created around the subject and for woman to find solace and comfort in knowing that they are not alone....I can understand how or why it would make some people uncomfortable but they need to remember that this was a baby and that baby was loved just as much as any other child would be, everyone has the right to acknowledge and grieve a loved one right?

So what makes this any different this is the loss of a child and no parent NOONE should have to lose a child no matter the gestation or whether they were able to breathe the air we do, their heart still beat they still grew and they were still loved so incredibly much.

Over the past few years I have met more and more woman who have been affected by the loss of a child, they have felt the joy and love that came with that first ultrasound that came with that first heartbeat, they have carried and cherished every movement and milestone only to go home empty handed with nothing but empty hands and heavy hearts to a home that was prepared to welcome a baby they returned alone.... most of them have drifted or separated from their partners in the process, grief and loss affects people differently and for some it brings out so much anger and hurt that the relationship cannot survive it.

Some have found love again and are planning another child, some have already welcomed their rainbows and some still feel the pain to heavily to think of even going down that road again....

It is an incredibly painful journey, I cannot even begin to describe the pain and the sadness the anger at oneself, asking yourself what you could have done differently when it wasn't even your fault.... you don't even have the right to bury a baby born or miscarried before 25 weeks in this country even though the youngest surviving baby born and who survived in this country has been 22 weeks.....

Jesse is our rainbow and I cannot explain the joy he has brought into our lives, I can tell you that the fear of my previous losses carried through with me into that surgery room when he was born, but the support I had gained from other woman is what helped me look to the positive and I am incredibly grateful for all the kind words that I received during those nine months...

This pain never goes away, I still think of them everyday, I still wonder, I still cry, I am so incredibly blessed but that doesn't make it any less painful and there are just some days where I cannot help it I just want to sit and be sad, I have people in my life who understand that and some who don't and probably never will....

To the moms who have experienced a loss whether at 5 weeks, 5 months or at birth, please know that you are not alone, your babies existed and were loved and should not be forgotten...

October 15th is International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, if you have memories and/ or pictures that make you think of your beautiful angels share them, they deserve that remembrance and you have the right to be proud of the life that you carried!

One mom in particular Jackie is someone I have written about many times I have shared her's and her daughter Vylette's story, f you have not read it or heard about her please go onto her page. she is such an incredibly strong woman who still fights for the justice of her loss, her beautiful baby girl who passed away due to the negligence of those she trusted, it still breaks my heart to read her story every time but I believe that Justice will be found for Vylette one day and that this beautiful little girl deserves to be remembered, like every single other baby lost does as well.

To the woman I have befriended along my journey to my rainbow thank you for all your support, to the woman who have welcomed your rainbows I know that they are cherished even more for the gift that they are and finally to the ladies who have not reached that part of their journey please do not allow anyone to make you feel like you do not have a right to grieve or share your story because you are a mom and you are not alone!

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