I remember when Loghan was about
18 months old I started to notice that his behaviour was somewhat different to
the other kids of his age, he was my first child and I really didn’t know any
better so I took it as a sign that he was just a really active inquisitive boy
and that as he got older he would learn to control certain actions and
reactions.
I know people are probably
reading this thinking gosh but he wasn’t even 2 but I promise you and I have
spoken to other moms of ADHD children there is something different it’s not
overly obvious at first, subtle things like making the same mistake or doing
something they’re not supposed to over and over again as if they hadn’t just done
it 10 times before hand, the constant motion and need to be everywhere and into
everything, the bad sleep patterns and lack of inhibition its starts off small
and eventually one or two people start to notice, other moms and teachers start
whispering about your child’s behaviour and then eventually someone decides to
say something to you along the lines of uhm he’s really busy he struggles to
get through even 2 minutes of a lesson
and he is struggling to make friends don’t you think you should take him to see
someone or I have seen this before you need to have him assessed etc…. and you
look at your child and feel this tug between all the love and admiration that
you have for him/her and your torn between that and the fact that you cannot
deny what seemed so subtle beforehand…
With Loghan his behaviour became
more apparent after Gabriel was born and we did not I repeat did not believe in
ADHD at all, I in particular believed that ADHD was a made up excuse for poor
parenting and badly behaved kids with lazy parents and that Ritalin was a
disgusting excuse to drug your child into zombie like submission….I didn’t know
any better I didn’t have access to any information and came from a generation
where I was told these things were absolute hogwash.
So we put it down to the birth of
his brother… and then the divorce… and then the school, any excuse we could
find- I read up on and put into place everything from diets and routines to
natural supplements, educational therapy, occupational therapy and play
therapy…. Everything excuse in an effort to find a solution to what was now becoming
and ever growing problem…
Then one day I looked over at
Loghan, it was maybe the 10th time or so I had to collect him that
term, we were at a new privately run creche that we paid a fortune for, I
looked at him and I remember I was so angry I couldn’t understand why, why did
this keep on happening what are we doing wrong and then I looked at Loghan and
my hate turned to shame when he said: I’m sorry mommy, I really don’t why I do
these things, I can’t help it, and the pain and anguish that resonated from my
5 year old that day broke my heart into a million pieces and I decided enough
was enough, I was tired of seeing my child so unhappy and I was tired of seeing
his peers avoid him and push him away, I was even tired of him being verbally
attacked by moms who were at least quadruple his size and yelled at him like a
piece of rubbish because their kids couldn’t be held accountable for bullying
and teasing my son but my son could sure as hell be held accountable when he
retaliated… I was done I was tired so incredibly tired and frustrated and that
could not compare to how Loghan must have felt….
By this time I had already
started looking into ADHD and my mind set started to change I looked at all the
signs and the symptoms and decided that we needed to do something and in short
thousands of rand’s, hours upon hours of therapy, diet changes, routine
changes, school changes etc and we were eventually recommended to a Paed who specialized in children with learning issues, Loghan had already by this time
been diagnosed but in order to get him further help we needed to see a doctor
who could legally make a medical diagnosis and if need be prescribe something.
To say I was scared is an understatement
all I could think of was please let there be another way other than meds please
oh please I don’t make to make this choice, but as fate would have it the
doctor did indeed suggest medication- she gave us a few options from cheaper to
expensive long acting to short acting… and I was pretty much ready to tell her
to forget it when she turned around to us and told us that we needed to think
of Loghan and stop being selfish, that ADHD was like any other illness and that
it needed to be treated with the appropriate medication in conjunction with everything else… and that was it for me… my ex wasn’t as convinced but
eventually we started Loghan on the generic of Ritalin combined with something
else made him so emotional we actually took him off it… the Ritalin however
made a difference… a big difference.
For the first time in a long time
Loghan wanted to attend school, he was enjoying his classes and able to
socialise better with his peers, I for one sighed with relief and was now
assured that we had made the right decision, that is not where it ended and the
last 3 years has been a journey of note we have changed doctors we have seen
many other specialists in between and changed from Ritalin to Concerta combined
with Ambilify, his dosage has halved within the last year of working with new
doctors and Loghan is doing incredibly well.
His teachers are proud of him, we
are proud of him he is scoring well above average even on days he doesn’t try,
he has friends and he is enjoying his childhood compared to the way he was
treated before I stand by the decision we made three years ago…
It’s difficult for Loghan more
than anyone else he still has a bad day every now and then, sometimes he still
struggles to make the right choices when it comes to reacting in certain situations
but he is improving every day and I am so incredibly proud of him and what he
strives to be every day despite the way he can be treated by others.
He used to get a lot of flak from
his peers and now everyone wants to be his friend he is class captain and he is
just excited about things he never was before.
Gabriel has since been diagnosed
with ADHD and ODD, I can tell you that with Loghan we were told in the NICU
that prem babies are more prone to learning disabilities whether this is the
reason I cannot tell you but Gabriel was not prem although siblings do stand an
increased change of having the same disorders as it is in their make- up, it is
a slow or inability of development in a part of the frontal lobe of their
brains which causes the neurons in the brain to misfire or fire out of sync of
each other it CANNOT be helped it’s not something that you can wish away or
ignore and if it isn’t seen to at a young age it can develop into ODD and the
things such as depression, psychosis etc
As the mom of now 2 children with
learning disabilities I cannot express the anger I sometimes feel towards other
people when they look at your child and think he must be ill disciplined or you
just took the easy way out even when they are shown the information to prove
otherwise, when they tell you for the umpteenth time that it is simply a matter
of diet and good exercise… yes all these things make a difference, yes they all
help but they do not solve the issue if your child’s ADHD/ADD/ODD magically
disappears overnight after you do one of these things then chances are your
child either had a very mild case or was misdiagnosed and yes there are natural
remedies available… try them if your child can do well on a natural supplement
or in a private school or even home schooled with a good diet ect and that
works for your child then great do it, try everything you can before going the
chemical route but do not judge the parents or the children who do not fare as
well on the same course of action…. Every child is different and you are not
helping a child with a learning disorder by pointing out their differences and
making fun of them or avoiding them you are hindering them, these kids are
brilliant amazing kids that have the ability to shine brighter than all the
stars you could ever fathom they just need patience and understanding they need
time, time to learn we need to teach them the skills that will allow them to
work with their disability not against it.
To end off I will say it again I
am incredibly proud of my kids and what they do every day to function normally
within their school and social groups, they are not lazy or stupid they are
brilliant amazing kids as all children with any sort of disability are, so
please if you are in the same boat we are or were don’t feel alone, there is so
much information so many resources and supports available today that previously
were not, make the right decisions for you and your child trust your instincts
and know that you and your child can push through it with love and support.
If you are someone who like I did
doesn’t believe there is such a thing, who mocks or sneers at the parents or
are eventually forced to pursue this route as a last resort the only thing I
have to say is keep it to yourself because you have no idea what that child and
parent is going through or has gone through on a daily basis and they don’t
need your judgement and criticism
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