So I have been a pretty half arsed blogger the last week or so, lets just say its been really emotional things have really come to a head for us with Gabriel so I am just going to drop a few updates in the blog.
So last week our psychologist went to the school and creche to observe Gabriel in that environment in order to evaluate him and put together a report to take to the psychiatrist tomorrow, I think he spent a good hour or so at each and he had already had him for an hour and a half session the week before at his offices so we had our parental session with him this Saturday past.
It was a good session I think we went over his 'working' diagnosis, we were really not looking forward to this well we were but weren't if you read my previous blog you will know that we were looking at Aspergers or something along the lines thereof well our psycologist's diagnosis was ADHD with a 2nd diagnosis of ODD, and he said that although Gabriel does exhibit many signs that would point to autism or Aspergers he does not feel that it it is enough to diagnoiss it as that because the ADHD and odd maybe what is causing him to react in those ways as most of the 'tic' he has are defensive or comfort seeking and may very well be as a result of insecurity and not autism- the psychiatrist may look at it differently but for now that is what we are working with....
To be honest I did see this diagnosis coming but it was something I really dreaded in the respect of I really didn't want to be told that he needs medication and that is of course the route most taken with ADHD and ODD, I know that the meds help we have seen the change for the better with Loghan but its not something I am sure any mother wants for their child to be on medication everyday and poor Gabriel is already on meds for his allergies but we have a diagnosis and that is at least a relief.
It is really scary for us to think of going forward right now, I am struggling to sleep at the moment I just cannot get my mind to shut off running through everything in my mind- therapies, meds, finances, schooling extra things we can do to help Gabriel in every way, its scary honestly I never would have thought in my wildest dreams that I would end up with 2 'special needs' children, its not their fault and it doesn't make them bad kids at all not in the least they are amazing and I am privileged that I was given this role as their mother I wouldnt change it for the world, but there are days that I wonder if I can do this, am I doing enough for them is there anything else I can do, did the universe make the right decision maybe they deserve a better mom because there are so many times I feel like I am failing them or not doing enough to help them reach their full potential in life, it hurts to think that way, I am pretty sure that all moms go through these days with their children, I just hope from the bottom of my sould that we can move forward on the correct path and do everything we can to make sure the boys have what they need and deserve.
On a lighter note Jesse is feeling much better he was still really miserable up until Saturday but from yesterday he is almost 100 percent back to his old self.
We have the parental meetings at the school this evening tomorrow is our appointment with the psychiatrist and then we have a table discussion at the creche to try and incorporate some working methods there and then Wednesday we are at the end of the 1st term and the boys leave to Jo Burg with their dad.
Wish me luck for tomorrow I have to navigate town with two monkeys on either side of me should be interesting.