Over the last year and a half I have had the experience of staying at home over 2 periods, the 1st was my 4 months of maternity leave with Jesse and the 2nd was the month I was booked off after my hysterectomy.
I have always said that I could never be a stay at home mom, that I need to keep busy and that I would just be bored and feel like I need adult company aside from our not being able to financially support this decision, with 3 kids we need the 2nd job even with the boys staying between me and their father it’s still expensive and my small salary goes a long way in helping us get by every month.
In any case after being home for those 2 periods I can honestly say that I adored being a SAHM, I loved being able to not rush everywhere, to take the day to get all the housework and chores done so that when I fetched my boys from school supper would be waiting and I could just sit and enjoy my time with them, there was no tension or upset in the house as we were all refreshed and there was no stress, the boys even got along better with one another, unfortunately as reality would have it I had to go back to work.
I obviously can’t say that it would be something I would enjoy forever but it is most certainly something I would have loved to have done while my children are still small, I hate that someone else drives them to and from school, that someone else gets that after school time with them, gets to make them lunch and hug them if they fall…. I’m not sorry I don’t have to do their homework with them that is a mission I will gladly leave to his well skilled aftercare teacher (in Loghan’s case), but it is hard when they already go between me and their dad to split that time even more with others.
I'm sure there are so many SAHM moms who wish they could work, personally I think working is a good thing because it encourages adult interaction and also a bit more financial freedom, also being out of the job market means you become very reliant on one salary and your partner and if something should happen and you need to work again it can be very difficult to get back into the job market.
Personally I found being at home much easier for us as a family and definitely much nicer for hubby and I, I got to experience me time and hubby and I got to have more time to ourselves in the evenings instead of being tired and cranky from work and rushing trying to get everything down, bearing in mind of course that the kids were in school/ crèche so I didn’t have to look after them at home which of course makes a big difference.
I really take my hat off to SAHM who home-school or raise their kids from home, getting housework done alone can be a nightmare when you have lil monkeys running around at home and demanding your undivided attention which of course you want to give them but need to get stuff done to.
Life as a WM is tough, I really miss the time with my children, I don’t like coming home from work tired and unsociable and trying to juggle housework and everything else in between trying my best as a mom, there have definitely been times where I have looked at Loghan especially and wondered whether he wouldn’t be better off if we could be at home with him, if maybe us working and not getting so much time with him is detrimental to his condition, I try to assure him every chance I get that I would much rather be home with him than at work, I would much rather sit with him than cook and clean but I am very candid with him and tell him that we need to work to make money to afford his school and care and anything else in between, I know he understands as well as he can even for a child of good mind, he still has the wants and needs of a normal 7 year old as does Gabriel and Jesse and they want their mom and family to focus on them and be with them, I’ve told them before there is no magic wand to wave and make everything happen; Gabriel’s reply was “but mommy can’t you buy one”, oh I wish my boy I wish.
Aside from the boys, there is of course keeping house, which I think I have finally reached a nice routine of, I tend to do everything in between in the mornings and evenings and then do my big household clean on Saturday morning while hubby sorts the boys out downstairs with breakfast, this is the least stressful way of doing things, I also have come a long way in keeping my need for house hold perfection in calm mode, as hard as it may be I try my best to let the small things slide, it doesn’t always work but I’m working on that.
Then there is me time…. Uhm ya…. I don’t get much of that aside from my evening bath which if I’m luck lasts a half hour aside from that if you count driving alone to work and the odd warm cup of coffee as most of the time its cold when I get to it… that’s it. To be honest most of the time I’m ok with it, I love my family and they make me happy but every now and then a break is much needed and people can generally see when its coming because I become very moody temperamental and on edge with EVERYONE, it sucks…. Another thing I think I need to work on, its nobody’s fault if I don’t get a break or me time, I wanted a family and this life and I love it if that means giving up weekly sessions with the girls or long sensual baths with a bottle of wine then I’m ok with that.
Lastly there is the love life… aside from the odd argument and normal tension build up I have an awesome love life, in the bedroom and out.
It is extremely difficult to get this right with 3 kids in the house and when you both have jobs, my hubbies is especially demanding and leaves him working extremely long and awkward hours, and yet he still finds time every day to tell me he loves and im beautiful, to give me a hug and hold me tight amongst other things….
I will say that obviously it isn’t like when we 1st met especially with a baby in the house but I think we are doing pretty dam good and Im just as much in love with him if not more than when we first started dating.
I think time between you and your partner is so important otherwise you just end up living past each other and falling out of love, even if you can only get 10 minutes with each other alone every day; use it to ask your partner how their day was, to tell them you love them and hold them and when you fall into bed at night no matter how exhausted you are and how much you like your space like I do, I really don’t like being held or night I like my bubble but I do love falling asleep in hubbies arms or even just having him reach for my hand and falling asleep like that, it just reminds me that we are a unit, that we love each other no matter how crazy the day has been or how little time we have together.
I’ve said it before, our life is crazy and slightly unconventional but I love it and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.