Perimenopause: The Part No One Warned Me About

Menopause is a term that almost every woman is familiar with in one way or another. Even if the exact word isn’t used in a specific culture or language, there is always some understanding, story, or shared knowledge associated with this life stage.

You may have had a female family member explain it to you. You may have watched your own mother, aunt, or grandmother go through it. Through school education, whispered conversations, or lived experience, most women grow up knowing—at least vaguely—what menopause is supposed to mean.

No more babies. Hot flushes. Hormonal changes. Sounds like fun, right? As if women didn’t already have enough to deal with.

But perimenopause? That was a term I had never heard before. Not once. Not at school, not in casual conversation, and—most disappointingly—not from a doctor.

I only learned about it once I was already living it.

I had a partial hysterectomy at 27, so I knew there was a possibility that menopause might arrive earlier than expected. What I didn’t know—what no one ever mentioned—was the long, confusing, and often overwhelming transition before menopause even begins.

So, when I started experiencing sudden waves of intense heat that left me flushed and uncomfortable, I didn’t recognise them as hot flushes. When I started crying uncontrollably at the drop of a hat—over the smallest, silliest things, at any time of the day—I thought something was seriously wrong with me. And when the brain fog crept in, stealing words mid-sentence and making once-simple tasks feel exhausting, I felt scared.

I was completely unprepared.

What made it worse was the self-doubt. Was I overreacting? Was I just stressed? Tired? Emotional? Was this just life piling up, or was my body quietly changing in ways I didn’t yet have language for?

Perimenopause is not a single moment—it’s a season. A long one. It can begin years before menopause itself, and its symptoms don’t always look the way we expect them to. For many women, it’s not just hot flushes. It’s anxiety that comes out of nowhere. Mood swings that feel unfamiliar and frightening. Sleep disturbances. Weight changes. Memory lapses. A sense of not quite recognising yourself anymore.

And yet, we don’t talk about it.

We joke about menopause. We warn each other about hot flushes. But perimenopause—the silent lead-up, the emotional and mental rollercoaster—often remains unnamed. When something doesn’t have a name, it’s easy to feel alone in it.

Looking back, I wish someone had sat me down and said: This might happen. And if it does, you’re not broken. You’re not weak. You’re not losing your mind.

I’m sharing this because I can’t be the only one who felt blindsided by this phase of life. If you’re reading this and recognising yourself—if your emotions feel louder, your patience thinner, your thoughts foggier—please know this: you’re not imagining it, and you’re not alone.

Perimenopause is real. It’s challenging. And it deserves to be spoken about openly, honestly, and without shame.