Tuesday, 14 January 2020

2020…. A new year.

I have had a lot of time to reflect and share my own personal introspection, a lot of time to dwell and mull through what I want from the coming year, my goals, plans and thoughts, although I have learned very well that planning is not always a great thing because Murphy has a lovely way of kicking your legs out from out of you as soon as you get to comfortable but still I am a planner, routine and structure is what drives me and old habits die hard… I have had a lot of time to think about certain people, people who affect my mental health in a bad way and how I react to them and how my reaction fuels them, I have an amazing support system and without them I am not sure where I would be but there are certain people that unfortunately I cannot remove from my life that I need to learn to deal with in a way that doesn’t bring me down and give them the satisfaction they derive from pushing my buttons and limits beyond the levels of comprehension.

In short this year is about finding my balance, finding my level of wellness and what that means for me, it means trying to be the best version of myself so that I can be the best mom and wife and friend and support to the others who support and love me.

I do not deal well with stress, over the years I have dealt with it in many shapes and forms, self and prescribed medication, over eating, under eating, meltdowns and breakdowns, I just want peace and yes I know at this point/ stage that is pretty near impossible with wheat we have to deal with but I want to get to the point where I can separate and ascertain what I can change and what I cannot, to take a step back and not have an internal meltdown every time something crazy happens and to not go in to fixing mode every time our journey takes a sharp turn or comes to an uncertain fork in the road.

I have started by taking steps for my health, I have installed a fitness app on my phone to keep myself moving and make myself accountable and I have set aside an hour every day for Yoga at home which I have to say is pretty amazing, to just have that hour of stillness is an amazing feat and I am pushing my body and self in ways that I never thought were possible, in turn I am actually sleeping again and sleeping well, my body feels good and my mind feels still and calm instead of frazzled and tired.

Look everyone has their own point of health and wellness, I just want to feel good, I had gotten to a point where I was doing really well with my gluten free eating and my other health related dietary restrictions but with all the stress and disorganization last year and of course the xmas period I just felt terrible, bloated and in pain and I don’t want to feel that way so I need to make a change.

Aside from exercise and mindful eating I will continue to see my psychologist on a weekly basis which has helped tremendously, I am trying to avoid medication because I know how it makes me feel and the meds themselves affect my tummy and digestive system as well but so far this is working and I feel like I am in a good space right now.

My youngest starts grade 1 tomorrow which is just… I cannot even fathom how fast the time has slipped by and I am so excited for his journey and to watch him grow this year, Gabriel starts grade 5 with his first year of exams behind him I think that he is going to settle down quite easily and that he is also going to do great things this year.

As for Loghan things are up in the air but instead of freaking out and having that internal meltdown I am going to take it one step at a time and we will see how it goes, it doesn’t mean that I am going to just sit back and do nothing but I am going to allow things to play out with a bit less stress and struggle.

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