Friday, 28 July 2017

Infuriating mom judgment

I think I do a post around this topic every year and every year I try to stay quiet and ignore the remarks I see online regarding this particular topic but every year try as I might I end up doing one of these posts because the fact that I still need to is utterly shocking especially in today’s age.

This morning I saw yet another post surrounding birth methods; now many woman get the whole not my body not my choice, c sections are not the end of the world and not every doctor wants to do a c section so they can go on holiday.

But time and time again there is always… ALWAYS a handful of woman  (even for some reason men but the woman I feel are worse as they have actually experienced birth) who think that because they gave birth vaginally it makes them better than those who didn’t (even when they say they don’t feel that way their words are LOUD), who feel that woman who choose to have a c section took the easy way out and they will never bond with their children and are just incredibly selfish woman who care more about the state of their lady bits than the health of their kids because only a real woman and a true loving mother would have a natural birth.

Well let me just point this out for the billionth time… because it doesn’t seem to get through to SOME…

Giving birth vaginally does not make you a woman, nor does it make you a better parent or mother, do you think woman who abandon their kids in dumpsters after giving birth in a bathroom or field give birth via c section, what about woman who are abusive do you think all of them had c sections?

Birth does not make you a parent nor does it make you a better parent.

Can you look into the eyes of an adoptive parent or a parent who had to make use of a surrogate in order to have a child and tell them they do not love their child.

Loving your child or a child you have taken into your care; supporting them and raising them to be non-judgmental loving people that is what makes you a good parent.

Personally I have had 3 wonderful c sections, I was up as soon as I could feel my legs and back to life as per normal strait out of hospital quicker than many woman I know who gave birth naturally, but it is not like that for many woman and many woman are left feeling guilty and that they are a terrible parent for a birth choice that may have been out of their hands and if it wasn’t so what that is their choice to make, its wrong and this sorry to say bullshit has to stop.

Many of my friends and loved ones have had home births, natural births and natural births with meds, many beautiful experiences and many not so beautiful, the same with c sections, I would never tell someone that they are stupid for having a natural birth or that they are a bad parent, the only time I would side eye is if someone was told that their child was in danger and needed an intervention which the woman in question then ignored, however that is her decision to make and if there are any repercussions from that the woman will have to live with her choice just as any other woman does in any birth.

Birth is a wonderful beautiful thing, mine were surgical and in 2 cases emergencies but they were incredible, even my first at the age of 19 when my son was prem and had to go into NICU for over a week, from the moment I could get up I did and every day I marched upstairs to nicu, I pumped milk every 2 hours and I stayed by my sons side until I was forced back to my room to eat, does that sound like a woman who hasn’t bonded to her baby, I held my sons tiny hands, I sang to him I fed him as soon as I could and gave him my milk from the start, even when I went back to college I marched myself into a horrible bathroom stall every 2 hours and pumped; our bond today is still incredibly strong.

My boobs still sag, I still have stretch marks and extra lumps and bumps, a c section doesn’t make that magically disappear; maybe my bits are in a better shape I have no idea and couldn’t care less, my point is a c section birth doesn’t leave your body unmarked as some would speculate as the reasoning behind a choice c section.

I understand the passion some woman feel surround birth and advocating for certain birth methods but why make others feel or attempt to make others feel like failures because their choices are not yours, being a woman, a mother and a parent is hard enough without the judgment and we will all get a lot further with kind words and support.

Birth is birth ladies… as long as the child/baby in question is loved and cared for nothing else matter...end of story.


  1. So true - why can't people just shut up if they don't have anything nice to say..? The important thing is taking care of that child the best you can. Birth is so overwhelming

    1. it is I remember one friend whose birth went so fast which was so unexpected for her first time and she was actually in shock for about a week she said she just couldn't process what had happened it didnt feel like the long drawn out process she was expecting so she struggled with it, birth and babies never go according to plan ever a scheduled c section has its surprises as long as your baby is loved and cared for it shouldn't matter how they were born, your child sure doesn't care or remember and is not going to turn around and say I hate you because you chose to have a c section lol