I cannot recall when last I did one of these, I am in a really strange space right now, I know I have been a real crappy blogger the past few weeks but I am trying to get back on track I promise.
Every so often I go through a few days of contemplation
regarding who I have become as an adult and mom and who I was, there are often
days when I feel like I have left so much of myself behind, becoming a mom early
I have no regrets but I often wonder how I reached the point of being the kind
of girl/ woman who prefers to stay at home on the couch drink wine and knit,
who dresses somewhat like an everyday joe and seems somewhat normal to everyone
around me, when did I stop wearing black lace embellished skirts and corsets
with stripped stockings or fairy sandals, when did I stop socialising and
staying up all night drawing and writing when did I lose that part of me…
It has taken me a long time to realize that part of me is
still very much there and apart of who I am, I guess that as I have grown as a
mother and as an adult I have just learned to adapt and fit in better with the
world around me, I still feel some days like I stick out like sore thumb, when
I have a literal melt down on a road trip or when I have my music going in the
car and the people around me are like wtf are you listening to, when my strippy
socks peep out from under my skirts, when I see the humor in something dark or
when I gush over the latest horror flick, it is all still there it hasn’t changed
and I haven’t changed I have just grown and adapted and I think it is very
important to acknowledge this change within ourselves and grow with it whilst
still keeping to our true natures and feelings, growing up is about change and
everything changes yes?
Does that mean we have to lose ourselves to change, no I don’t
think so but learning to adapt to that change like for me dressing in corsets
and lace not work appropriate, bublegum pink or teal hair not work appropriate
unfortunately, so I save those things for my own time and I have learned to
appreciate them more because I don’t have many opportunities to do it anymore…
At the moment I am really struggling I am trying so hard to
just focus on my kids and our family time and getting somewhere with Loghan’s
diagnosis, whilst trying to run a perfect ship at home and keep everything in
order it has all just become very overwhelming, this past weekend I actually
just said screw it, I left the housework as hard as that was and just had a
weekend with my kids, we painted pottery and went for milkshakes we chased each
other around outside and watched movies on the couch, I kept off social media
for the most part and it felt great but reality always has a way of creeping in
and Monday its back to work and everything sort of snowballs, adulthood tends
to do that when you try to hide from it.
Looking forward to
Things are actually progressing in terms of Loghan and his
diagnosis and treatment plans which is so amazing I cannot even begin to
explain, last week I took him for his eeg and auditory exam and I was really
taken aback, as much as I said Loghan could not have a hearing issue because of
his ability to hear a chip packet down the road the tests actually did pick up
a small issue in his one ear, we have not had the eeg results yet and yesterday
Loghan had to undergo further
assessments but we should have answers and a way forward next week, his
medication has also settled and Loghan does seem to be doing a lot better at
school although there have obviously been bad moments in general I noticed a
change when he was home on the weekend, the boys all got a long a whole lot
better than they usually do
Oh and date ‘night’, guys hubby and I are going on an actual
date with no kidlets in tow on hubbies bike to the theater all by ourselves I am so frikken excited!!!!
Contemplating
I have just been thinking a lot about life in general and
the way forward, with everything going on we are going to have to start looking
at and making decisions when it comes to routines, schools etc for Loghan, we
have also spoken about leaving the country on more than one occasion, obviously
this is not a simple decision as there are two families involved and consent
from both sides is required but it is something we have been speaking about for
the future.
Reading
Anything and everything I can get my hands on with regards
to Asperger’s syndrome, anxiety disorders etc, I recently finished a beautiful
book called Look me in the eye by John Elder Robison, it really gave a
wonderful insight into the authors personal journey with Asperger’s syndrome
and presented with a lot of aha moments for me as a parent and a person.
Watching
Supernatural, my hubby LOVES this show but I become bored
with it so easily the main characters drive me crazy but any hoo I have been
knitting almost every night and so have let hubby take the wheel when it comes
to our evenings viewings and thus I have been subjected to it, it’s not that
bad I suppose, it does help me sleep better whahaha
Planning
Jesse will be 3 on the 26th, I seriously cannot
believe it and so I have been slowly getting things together for that, we are
not doing a party just party packs and cupcakes for the crèche but it will be
marvel/dc themed and Jesse has not stopped talking about it… I seriously cannot
believe he will be 3 you guys where has my baby gone to.
That is it for now like I said I hope to be back on track soon!
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