Monday, 13 April 2020

Day eleventy... seventy... something of lockdown

Well hello there, longtime no speak right?

The last time I posted all was somewhat well within the world and we weren't smash bang in the middle of a pandemic, I am going to be honest here I didn't think we would get here, yes I was one of those people, it wasn't that I didn't believe that Covid 19 was a serious thing I just honestly didn't think we were going to reach this point, the point where we would all be forced into our homes, the point where so many would be left without work and therefore pay and where homeschooling was suddenly the norm (shock and horror). I appreciated the severity of the impact of this scenario on both the economy as well as the people of our country as a whole and having had swine flu in the past which at the time was seen as an incredibly serious and devastating virus as well; we didn't reach this point then so I honestly didn't think we were going to get there now, and quite honestly as we drew closer to the original announcement my anxiety just kind of took over and I had to stop reading the news posts etc in order to stop a full blown panic attack; I mean I went into the store to get bread and a few simple staples an the shelves were empty, I burst into tears thinking about all of the people who had so little and who could't stock up in any way, those who relied on school feeding schemes and hose whose home situation are less than ideal.

Going into this I really didn't think I was going to make it this far with my sanity intact, I don't consider myself an extrovert by any means but I like my freedom and I think having that taken away, that simple human right that so many of us take for granted, I have to be honest it really hit home and there have been a couple of days where I have had an internal breakdown, especially last week when the extension was announced, knowing that I could not see my parents for another 2 weeks, knowing that after counting down to getting back to normal life was once again a distant desire and not something I could touch and picture so readily, I think it really hit home in that moment. I had tried so hard to stay positive ad in that moment I panicked wondering if we will ever know the feeling of normal ever again and can we actually ever attain that feeling of normalcy again.

I am enjoying the time with my boys I really am, for the most part it has been great, I enjoy schooling them and actually taking part in their learning, we have had a few meltdowns on Gabriel's part when it comes to school work, he stayed with his father during the course of the first term and I collected him the evening of the start of the lockdown period, I am ever so grateful to have all 3 of the boys with me during this time and as I said I have enjoyed the time with them; we have baked, planted veggies played uno and found a new sort of scheduled normal whereby we wake up at 7 everyday a little later than we normally would, we all have breakfast, clean up etc and by 8:30 we are ready to start our school day, I have sat down ad mapped out the boys daily work schedules for the lockdown period so every evening I put out the work for the next day and we tick off what is done as we go along.  I usually start off with Loghan whilst my hubby sits with Jesse and whichever of us finishes up first switches over to Gabriel, we are usually done with all 3 between 12 and 1, we then make lunch and then its free for all for the remainder of the afternoon, the schedule has been good for me and the boys it has at least created it own form of normalcy and the boys at least know what to expect from their day, come the weekends I still clean up and we don't do any work with the boys but honestly there is only so much Netflix you can watch, only so many things you can bake and admittedly I am going a tiny bit crazy inside.

At the same time it feels so wrong to complain, I know that in many ways we are so incredibly blessed, J and I have both been lucky enough to keep our jobs, in fact J is working from home, we have what we need for the most part and I have the access to my doctor and Loghan's should I need it, we are healthy and safe, we have  roof over our head and food on the table, we have more than most and we have each other which I am grateful for, it has been lovely watching the boys develop a bond together and I am thankful that they have each other.  

Loghan... its been ok for the most part we have had one very bad incident, right before Easter weekend, his meds changed going into lockdown and I do think that we have headed in the right direction in this regard, we received notice from the department heading into the lockdown period that the department has said he needs to be home-schooled, however because of Covid 19 we are flying in limbo when it comes to whether they are going to help us with financial support when it comes to a private tutor, I tried calling the department several times before the lockdown period started but couldn't reach anyone which is typical and at this rate I am just so frustrated and over it all that I think i am honestly just done with the department all together and would rather just register with Impaq next year and do it on our own because getting help is honestly like pulling teeth and then people still have the gall to ask you not to cc their supervisors in on their emails; well sorry Jane but if you actually responded I would't need to cc all and sundry in, i order to get a response after you have ignored me for weeks on end. The system in this country is just so backwards and broken I cannot even explain.

Otherwise I suppose we are fine, sitting outside and just listening to the changes in the air the sounds, the smells, just the feeling i n general, going to the store for staples is an experience of its own and I feel like I am breaking the law just stepping out of my front door, this will end I know that I just cannot help but hope that it ends sooner than later for the sake of all of those who are not nearly as fortunate as we have been thus far.

Stay safe everyone, moms stay sane I know its hard our kids feel it as hard as we do we do, it will end and we will come through, a changed world but we will get through.


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