Managing my academic expectations as a parent

If you had to ask my children what doing homework with me is like they would probably remark with something along the lines that I am a complete drill Sargent whose expectations and demands are far to much for them and they would rather lick the floor and stand on their heads than have to sit through it with me (This excludes Jesse who doesn't get much homework).

Yes unashamedly many aspects of that remark ring true, I will admit I am a tad bit hectic when it comes to academic achievement with my kids but its not because I expect too much of them it is because I know what standard of work they are easily capable of producing so when they hand over work that I know isn't even worth a tenth of the effort they are able to put it, it irks me like seriously irks me, I also sympathize with their teachers (and future employers) who in the end are left to decipher the haphazard mish mash that is a written piece and need to mark it even though I myself and my own child who wrote the piece struggle to read it, that in my opinion is not only unfair and disrespectful towards their teacher but it also shows that at the time they were not willing to put in the effort required of that work, my eldest struggles terribly with spacing and letter sizing but I know when he puts in the effort and the time his writing is beautiful maybe not perfect or perfectly neat but beautiful in a Loghan way- his best efforts can clearly be distinguished and I am sure it is something his teacher greatly appreciates when marking papers at 10pm at night..

Over the top, yes I am- apologetic? In many ways no but in some ways yes.

Raising our children in the new age

My best friend and I more often than not get together once a week for a glass or two of wine and a catch up, we jokingly and lovingly term these wine dates our therapy sessions, citing that they are not only cheaper but filled with as many tears (good ones) as there are laughs but in any case this past weekend we ended up reminiscing about the good and bad of our childhoods and teen hoods.

We recounted so many fond memories and then remarked about how so much has changed for our children today.

Now I am first to admit my kids are way more reliant on technology than I would like them to be, my kids love to run and play but technology- gaming and alike are their go to’s and if I need them to get something done the quickest way to do this is to threaten their access to their technology, this can sometimes backfire with a full on meltdown but most of the time it does the job and if I am busy and need just a short time of quiet or uninterrupted time I can allow them access to a game and voile problem solved.

It is a curse as much as it can be a blessing, our kids are open and have access to way more information- bad as much as good than we did, the access is often instant and made easy, no more slopping to the library for project information, if they need something it is so incredibly easy to find it on the internet the flip side of the coin of course is laziness instant gratification and access to information or becoming the target of unwanted or unsolicited predatory influence and people.

Our bodies our choices- Woman's rights

At the age of 26 I gave birth to my youngest child and at the same time made the decision to be sterilized by way of a tubal ligation, I had asked my doctor to do this once before when I was pregnant with my second son at the time I was in my early twenties and the issues within my relationship and my deteriorating mental health as a result of that was very clear, she said no, that I was too young among other things she didn’t think it was a decision that I should be making at the time and she would not do it, at that time I was angry, it was my body my decision but in the end she was right because I divorced remarried and chose to have another child a few years later.

Whilst pregnant with my 3^rd son my gynea asked me again as they normally do what my considerations for birth control would be post baby and without hesitation I again said sterilization and this time without hesitation she said yes, I was still very young at the time I was only 26 but she said yes, she said yes because as a woman she understood that I was done, she listened to my reasoning's as she had before she had walked the road of 3 pregnancies with me and some of my losses she had been my only gynae and this time she saw how happy I was within my relationship but she also saw the stress and toll that 5 miscarriages and 3 pregnancies had taken, she knew that my second son was special needs and all of that compounded into how I felt my feelings as a whole led her to say yes and I am forever grateful for that, a year after my tubes were tied I ended up going through a hysterectomy due to complications and I will admit there was a period after that where I went through some internal confusion but that was not because I wanted anymore children and to this day I do not have a single regret and am very grateful that I had a doctor who chose to listen to her patients and who as a woman understood that a woman has the right to a say over her body.

I remember when the medical aids started becoming more strict about covering c sections, thankfully my c sections were medically necessary so my choice was affirmed I was lucky. I remember talking to my doctor about it and how unfair it was and she replied with; a woman always has the right to choose if a woman wants a c section I will do everything I can to help facilitate that choice as I would if the mom desires a natural birth, and that is how it should be a woman should have the right to choose as long as her and baby are safe and well cared for- home birth, c section, natural, water birth it shouldn’t matter the choice is hers to make as is birth control and sterilization!

Why is that a man can walk into a doctor’s office at 22 and get a vasectomy but a woman has to be pressing 40 with at least 3 kids and one marriage under her belt before it is even considered?

Knowing your love language

 I am pretty sure most people are familiar with the concept or the book the 5 love languages by Gary Chapman, now whilst I may not agree with everything he says and am not myself religious or am not Christian this book has had a profound effect on my life and the way I navigate the relationships emotions and feelings within our home.

There was a point last year where my hubby and I went through a very bad patch if you will, it was really bad we were so out of touch with each other, hardly on speaking terms fighting all of the time, I saw so many things from my failed first marriage reoccurring and I could not understand why, here I was running our household, running the kids around ensuring everything was done, our bills were paid etc and my hubby would get home and go straight to his pc emerging to fall into bed at the early hours of the morning I couldn’t understand why, why me , why us why were we failing, I didn’t want us to fail, I loved my husband and I wanted our marriage to work, the more I did the more I gave the more my husband pulled away and shut down I did not understand what he wanted or needed or that by doing everything I wasn’t involving him I wasn’t affirming his importance in mine and our lives.

In between then and now so much has happened and we are in a better space now than I think we have ever been.

Now what has this got to do with the 5 love languages, if you haven’t do yourself a favor and head on over to Gary Chapman's website and take the quiz to see what you and your partners love languages are, you see Dr Chapman speaks about each of us having a love tank now our love tank starts off full and throughout our relationship we show and give love to our partners, now if we receive love back preferably by the way of our primary love language our tank will replenish and thus the cycle will continue and allow you to fulfill and continue a loving and healthy relationship.

The joys of parenting a pre teen

Oh the wonderful joy that is parenting a preteen; the eye rolling, the sarcasm, the loud sighs and back chatting I mean what more could a parent ask for... how about no.

Guys I thought colic reflux and co sleeping were a fun ride, and then I thought 3-4 years was a fun ride, but it aint got nothing on having a preteen.

I feel like I have gone to war or that my child has been traded out for someone else, I mean he has always been sarcastic and full of attitude but man oh man the body between smelling his armpits post shower and asking him to clean up his room and put on his shoes for the 50th time my ocd has pushed my anxiety to the edge of my abilities and patience.

I have to say that I find it quite concerning that almost every older generation parent will warn you about te teen but its like the fearsome fours like no one of the older generation speaks of this stage, its a conspiracy I tell you, and when I talk to my own mom I see that look of sweet justice on her face for all the uphill I gave her during my teens.

My son is particularly amused with this stage himself seeing as he has now amassed a lovely group of pimples and his voice is starting to break which is both scary to hear as a parent who cannot believe we are here and amusing because he sounds too funny and the more he realizes it the higher the pitch between his older voice and the voice coming through becomes.

Am I scared hell yes I am scared for one if this is preteen what about teen and two it means that my baby boy eldest is a few years shy of adult hood and neither of us is prepared, I mean I am pretty close to creating a blanket fort in my room and just hiding out in there for the next few years, whose with me I say!?

Time for a change

So as you will see I have given this space a bit of a makeover, ok make that a major makeover, I don’t know where I was going with the last change but I wasn’t feeling it and then life got chaotic and I fell into a lull of; yeh I’ll fix it tomorrow and then it became; yeh I’ll post tomorrow and then came an inevitable slump.

I am not sure if any other mommy bloggers have experienced this but I reached a bit of an in-between space, a space where I don’t really fit in with the new mom blogs as my children have all reached school going age, my eldest is starting to develop opinions and since much of what I say on here revolves around special needs parenting I am always at a bit of a wall when it comes to posting things I may or may not be sure he will appreciate at any point in the future- I am of course mindful of this with all my children but more often than not the shit hits the fan with my eldest and therefore his stories are often more vibrant and sometimes less positive and raw, things are chaotic and I am not the type to game, travel or try out every new product I can get my hands on so I was at a bit of a fork in my blogging road, really unsure of what direction to go in.

I mulled this over for many a night and to be honest I am still not sure where I fit in, but I know this space has helped me learn, has helped me grow and has created a safe environment for me to share and vent my feelings and life experiences so I have kind of made peace with that, and maybe I end up losing readers as I am sure I have over this slump period but at the end of the day if even one parent takes something away from one of my experiences or thoughts I am happy.

So here I am a thirty something mom to three crazy boys, my life is full of chaos and turbulence as I try to navigate the journey I never expected but try my best to embrace every day. I may not always have something interesting to say, I don’t watch the news and have come to detest political discussion, I am a fierce advocate for special needs education and support, an avid book and coffee addict who drinks her fair share of wine with her bestie once a week.

So for anyone who is new to this space, welcome to the madness and for those who have followed me for a while thank you =)

Mothers day 2019

Being a mother for me can sometimes feel so surreal, I mean growing up all I wanted was a family and children of my own, I had it all planned out in my head and yet some days I look over at my kids and think to myself is this real, how did I even get here... I mean I know how I got here but how did I help create 3 such amazing beings, how is it that a heart can love so immeasurably, to feel such joy and at the same time sorrow to want to cherish every milestone and yet to experience so much excitement at the thought of what they may one day achieve.

My mom and I always had a turbulent relationship; up until my 30th birthday I would say that our relationship was more down than up, there were a lot of things we hadn't worked through, things that I felt were better off kept to myself which resulted in issues because my mom could not understand why I had made certain decisions and choices in my life that veered off her envisioned plan for my life- I was meant to finish school go to college find a partner who would look after me and after I had achieved a good start to my career to then think about having children.... I wasn't meant to fall pregnant at 18 and then drop out of college at 20 whilst pregnant with my second son, I wasn't meant to rush through a wedding only to land up with a divorce but that is what happened and it took a lot for me to reach the point where I finally opened up about things and once my mom finally understood... well in her own way why some of my choices and life decisions were made we could finally start down the path of recovering our relationship and I have to say that over a year later our relationship has never been this strong.

Medicating our children- special needs parent

This is a topic that at times can become one of heated debate and to be honest I do not blame the people who are on the anti-side of the debate because I was once one of them, I was that mom who believed ADHD was a myth and that giving a child Ritalin was wrong and the equivalent of abuse, oh yes I was that mom… until I lived the life and walked the road that was a child with special needs.

Let me make this incredibly clear NOONE, not one decent parent out there wants to medicate their child. It was something that we grappled with and experienced so many sleepless nights because of how we felt about it- because we felt that it was wrong, but having tried every diet elimination, after standing in my kitchen for hours on end batch cooking, gluten free, dairy free, sugar free and colorant free organic meals for my child for months, after trying every natural aid and supplement I could get my hands on and after numerous visits to educational psychologists, psychologists, peads and psychiatrists we were faced with little to no improvement and a choice that even today sits with me.

The judgment you receive as a parent for choosing your child is downright unfathomable, I mean you would treat a child with diabetes right? However when it comes to mental health and behavioral disorders and even autism you are looked down upon like the scum of the earth.

Child's Farm - Product Review

Childs Farm products the UK's no 1 sensitive toiletries brand for babies and children has officially hit the shores of SA and I am so incredibly excited to share my experience with all of you.

As someone who personally struggles with sensitive skin and eczema and as a mom who has 2 children with the same issues I can tell you that finding a product that works for our skin that is both sensitive and moisturizing as well as natural is an extremely difficult task, I have found a number of products over the years but they either aren't gentle enough, I am not happy with the products ingredients or the price doesn't warrant the cost, so when I heard about Child' Farms my curiosity was definitely peaked.

The brand  is both pediatrician and dermatologist approved, and was developed by an everyday mom like you or I, Joanna Jensen who developed the products to suit her daughters’ fine hair and sensitive skin. 

She used the packaging to express her farm life and included her child's faces, together with those of her cousins and pets on the packaging. Personally I though the packaging was really sweet my kiddos on the other hand weren't really phased but that struck me in a very personal mom to mom sort of way and I really appreciated the attention to detail unlike y children who just have the attention span of gold fish and were only interested in the amount of bubbles and mess they could create with the new products mom brought home just for them.

I just want to start off by saying when I received my box of goodies I could smell the products through the packaging, which both delighted my senses but also set off alarm bells only because I know from personal experience sensitive skin plus fragrance is usually a big no no, this is why when we trial a new product or brand within our household I will use the product on myself first to make sure that my skin doesn't react before I use it on our kids so I did and holy guacamole guys the products not only smell absolutely amazing and not in a fake generic bad candy sort of way they smell like fresh fruits and mint wonderful and they left my own skin and hair feeling so silky soft and moisturized I couldn't wait for the kids to use it.

We have been using the products for 2 weeks or so now, our absolute favorites are the shampoo in  the scent strawberry/ mint as well as the hair and body wash in the scent blackberry/apple both go a long way in terms of the amount of product you need and both leave your skin and hair feeling wonderful and smelling for a good amount of time, the smell lingers and every time my kids pass me by I just want to grab hold of them and rub my face into their hair they smell so good.

The other product that I cannot gush enough about is the baby moisturizer, I had heard via other ambassadors and reviews that the moisturizer works like a charm for eczema but when I first smelled the product though it smelled beautiful the fact that it had a fragrance at all was a bit daunting, I can tell you my eczema particularly on my hands gets so bad that my hands crack and become hard to use this cream did an absolute wonder job on those sore spots and unlike cortisone which thins the skin and is really not effective in the long run or good for you, I felt good using this on both my kids and myself and will continue to use this after experiencing these amazing results.

The only product that I was not absolutely balled over by has been the bubble bath but only because it doesn't really produce a good amount of bubbles, going on the smell and what it does for your skin it is an absolute 10 and don't get me wrong I understand natural products don't usually bubble up as well as conventional products and the bubbles don't usually last as long, honestly its not even that important to me it was my kiddos who love love love their bubbles but otherwise I think that's a minor gripe.

I absolutely highly recommend this brand I think the packaging is fun and unique and shows just how much of a personal touch and effort is invested in the brand by the owner, there is a reason why these products are rated so well internationally and baring in mind that the weather in the UK is really dry and harsh I think that speaks wonders.

The products not only smell wonderful, each of the products is made of organically sourced natural products and essential oils that are cruelty free and leave your child's skin feeling so good.

The products are currently available from Takealot, Clicks and just recently selected Pick n Pay stores and range from R80- R120 a product, which normally would not put me off but give me pause for thought after using the products though I can firmly say these are products I will happily repurchase in the future and I feel that they are worth the price tag especially given that they are natural and cruelty free.