Wednesday, 31 January 2018

When a child goes from Bullied to Bully

Bullying is an issue that is very near and dear to my heart having been bullied for the majority of my childhood it is something that greatly affected me and of course something I may have envisioned have gone through with my kids as the bullied, but never did I ever think I would go through it from the opposite side of the spectrum where my child would become or be considered a bully. 

Loghan went through many years of being bullied, I cannot tell you how many times we were called in… how many tears were shed it was one of the many reasons I chose to remove him from a mainstream school because after a while I saw the tables turning, I started to see him fighting back and not in a good way, I spoke to him, explained to him tried to work through it with him but at the end of the day with his difficulties it was somewhat more difficult for him to understand after all people had allowed others to treat him badly he was only fighting back (in his mind), the problem is that bullying is bullying no matter what way you look at it, two wrongs don’t make a right and you cannot punish everyone for the mistreatment of a few.

As he has grown, the issues have gone through phases of being fine and then so not fine, he has gotten to the point where he wants attention he wants friends, the pre teen age demands it, so what I have found is that he will do anything to get that attention or get that person to play with him, often to his detriment because the person either gets irritated or hurt and then they just don’t want to play with him, he gets angry/upset, he cannot understand… he just wants to be friends and thus the cycle continues.

It really is a heart-breaking things as a parent to watch your child go through this especially when you know that your child can be so incredibly sweet, kind and helpful, my child is a child who has fed the homeless, who has helped injured or hungry animals, who has stuck up for many a person when someone else has hurt them, so it really hurts, I know he isn’t a horrible child but I also know that he has his moments and that those are unacceptable and need to be worked through.

There are many angry calming techniques which we have worked on, we have also encouraged him to be mindful that you don’t know what another person is going through or has been through, to be patient and kind even if the other person is not always the same to you. 

I literally had one good friend who I spent the majority of my childhood with so I know that one doesn’t need fifty friends to be happy, but I also know that as a child growing up the need to be liked and included isn’t something you can just make go away.

I found this table online and I think it is quite accurate, I would love to hear any words of wisdom from fellow mums, I know not everyone has a special needs child but advice and tips are always well received in this regard so please feel free to share.

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