This past weekend not once not twice not even three times but at least 5 times Gabriel remarked to me how I was unfair and that his brothers always get everything and he gets nothing, one of the instances included me asking them to have a good day on Friday and saying to each of them who had been nagging all week that I would give them R5 each to get something from the tuck shop for said good day, Loghan had a fantastic day but Gabriel didn’t so Loghan received his money and Gabriel didn’t, I was being fair and true to my word right?
Eh nope not as far as Gabriel was concerned.
Now over the years of having 3 boys I have come to better understand why he feels this way sometimes, Jesse as the baby receives more attention in the manner that he cannot do the things that they can due to age, and Loghan has always required extra attention due to him being on the spectrum and needing it, whereas Gabriel has always been the type of child who is happy to get lost in his own world and play on his own, up until the last year I would say that has always been his happy place and thus it became easy to leave him be and allow him the space and solitude we believed he was happy to have and now I often find myself wondering if that was the right thing to do, one thing I never thought he would do though is question our love for him in comparison to his brothers and it hurt, it really hurt, I can handle the “you are ruining my life” rants when I say no to something their friends have and the “I don’t like you right now’s” again when I do not give into a request or demand, but it really hurt to hear him say that we love his brothers more than him because it is so incredibly far from the truth.
He literally said to me that I love his brothers more than him and that we don't care!!!!
How could he weigh the scales of love when it comes to the three of them, my heart is only full because all three of them exist, in the line of m0otherhood I have prepared myself for many things, you can gain a very thick skin as a parent but my heart broke to hear those words and I sat wondering what I could do to change this perception, do I not hold him enough, love on him enough, do I not read him the same story over and over again or reach for my last R5 when he begs for a sweet treat or sneak him an extra cookie when his brothers are not looking and kiss him sweetly on the cheek telling him how special he is, my imaginative brilliant child, is this not enough?
Am I being too sensitive, is it an age thing I know I often look at Loghan and remark that he is 9 on going on 16.