I cannot recall when last I did one of these, I am in a really strange space right now, I know I have been a real crappy blogger the past few weeks but I am trying to get back on track I promise.
Every so often I go through a few days of contemplation regarding who I have become as an adult and mom and who I was, there are often days when I feel like I have left so much of myself behind, becoming a mom early I have no regrets but I often wonder how I reached the point of being the kind of girl/ woman who prefers to stay at home on the couch drink wine and knit, who dresses somewhat like an everyday joe and seems somewhat normal to everyone around me, when did I stop wearing black lace embellished skirts and corsets with stripped stockings or fairy sandals, when did I stop socialising and staying up all night drawing and writing when did I lose that part of me…
It has taken me a long time to realize that part of me is still very much there and apart of who I am, I guess that as I have grown as a mother and as an adult I have just learned to adapt and fit in better with the world around me, I still feel some days like I stick out like sore thumb, when I have a literal melt down on a road trip or when I have my music going in the car and the people around me are like wtf are you listening to, when my strippy socks peep out from under my skirts, when I see the humor in something dark or when I gush over the latest horror flick, it is all still there it hasn’t changed and I haven’t changed I have just grown and adapted and I think it is very important to acknowledge this change within ourselves and grow with it whilst still keeping to our true natures and feelings, growing up is about change and everything changes yes?
Does that mean we have to lose ourselves to change, no I don’t think so but learning to adapt to that change like for me dressing in corsets and lace not work appropriate, bublegum pink or teal hair not work appropriate unfortunately, so I save those things for my own time and I have learned to appreciate them more because I don’t have many opportunities to do it anymore…
At the moment I am really struggling I am trying so hard to just focus on my kids and our family time and getting somewhere with Loghan’s diagnosis, whilst trying to run a perfect ship at home and keep everything in order it has all just become very overwhelming, this past weekend I actually just said screw it, I left the housework as hard as that was and just had a weekend with my kids, we painted pottery and went for milkshakes we chased each other around outside and watched movies on the couch, I kept off social media for the most part and it felt great but reality always has a way of creeping in and Monday its back to work and everything sort of snowballs, adulthood tends to do that when you try to hide from it.
Looking forward to
Things are actually progressing in terms of Loghan and his diagnosis and treatment plans which is so amazing I cannot even begin to explain, last week I took him for his eeg and auditory exam and I was really taken aback, as much as I said Loghan could not have a hearing issue because of his ability to hear a chip packet down the road the tests actually did pick up a small issue in his one ear, we have not had the eeg results yet and yesterday Loghan had to undergo further assessments but we should have answers and a way forward next week, his medication has also settled and Loghan does seem to be doing a lot better at school although there have obviously been bad moments in general I noticed a change when he was home on the weekend, the boys all got a long a whole lot better than they usually do
Oh and date ‘night’, guys hubby and I are going on an actual date with no kidlets in tow on hubbies bike to the theater all by ourselves I am so frikken excited!!!!
I have just been thinking a lot about life in general and the way forward, with everything going on we are going to have to start looking at and making decisions when it comes to routines, schools etc for Loghan, we have also spoken about leaving the country on more than one occasion, obviously this is not a simple decision as there are two families involved and consent from both sides is required but it is something we have been speaking about for the future.
Anything and everything I can get my hands on with regards to Asperger’s syndrome, anxiety disorders etc, I recently finished a beautiful book called Look me in the eye by John Elder Robison, it really gave a wonderful insight into the authors personal journey with Asperger’s syndrome and presented with a lot of aha moments for me as a parent and a person.
Supernatural, my hubby LOVES this show but I become bored with it so easily the main characters drive me crazy but any hoo I have been knitting almost every night and so have let hubby take the wheel when it comes to our evenings viewings and thus I have been subjected to it, it’s not that bad I suppose, it does help me sleep better whahaha
Jesse will be 3 on the 26th, I seriously cannot believe it and so I have been slowly getting things together for that, we are not doing a party just party packs and cupcakes for the crèche but it will be marvel/dc themed and Jesse has not stopped talking about it… I seriously cannot believe he will be 3 you guys where has my baby gone to.
That is it for now like I said I hope to be back on track soon!