Tuesday, 30 August 2016

Validating birth choices

I’ve been seeing so many posts lately that entail woman validating their c sections and how it isn’t taking the easy way out the whole spiel, now as a ceaser mom myself I think it is great that woman who have had c sections whether by choice or not are standing up for themselves and are saying you know what I gave birth too it wasn’t easy and it doesn’t make me less of a woman than someone who had natural birth but what I cannot understand is why and when giving birth became about validating the pain and process you endured and how that makes it any better or validates an equality to another birthing choice.
I mean seriously... why? I had 3 brilliant and easy c sections by choice even though 2 turned out to be emergencies anyway, it could have been the opposite and I could have had a terrible time but I didn’t and I know many woman who had great experiences as well… so what… that should be a great thing it shouldn’t mean that my birth or any one else’s is worth anything less because we weren’t in pain or didn’t suffer for hours with contractions and pain in order to birth our babies, I know many woman who laboured naturally and popped their babies out within 2 or 3 hours with no pain at all so does that mean their births do not matter because they didn’t go through pain or a difficult and pro longed labour, not to mention medicated or un-medicated uhm why does having an un-medicated birth make someone better even in the dark ages woman would suck on chloroform soaked cloths and drink opiates or herbs in tea it was generally the poorer woman that didn’t have the access or choice and were forced to birth without medical help I am pretty sure if many of those woman had the choice they would have opted differently but they didn’t, and they didn’t have the choice of a hospital or c section, the scented candles and birthing balls… I could go on and on; my point is what is it about the pain and process that society feels should validate a woman’s birthing process why does being in pain or un-medicated make you a stronger woman or a better mother… the answer, it doesn’t… some people and woman can handle pain and stress on their bodies better than others and that is when it comes to natural or non-natural deliveries; some woman scream in pain others quietly breathe and birth as if they are walking in the park on a summers day, some woman go home from their c section and are unable to do a thing and others myself included can go on as if nothing happened, it doesn’t make me better or worse just as much as a medicated natural labour does not mean the same thing compared to an un-medicated natural birth.

Your baby doesn’t know or care whether they were birthed at home, in a birthing centre, hospital or theatre room, all they know is they were warm and cozy and safe and now they have come into a complete different space and environment with their mom to give them love and care, it really comes down to mom and how she feels within the space, personally the idea of a home birth scares the shit out of me but I have had several friends birth at home and who had wonderful experiences, after several miscarriages I was terrified of birthing outside of a hospital and believed that a c section was in the best interest of my children I also never had the desire to give natural birth I just didn’t want to and that was my choice just like a home birth, or un-medicated, medicated natural birth will be the choice preferred or believed to be the best by someone else.

I just wish that woman would stop trying to validate their choices due to shame and judgment and would just stand together as one stop shaming each other and start lifting each other up and say you know what great job on that c section or wow an un medicated birth well done, encouragement and compassion goes so much further than shame and dragging someone down, and the truth is if we start doing this society ideals will change and when that happens woman will no longer have to fear or feel shamed because of their birthing choice or a birth that was out of their hands because birth is birth one way or another your baby needs to come into this world and as long as they are safe and here that is what matters most.

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