Sometimes making decisions as a parent are done unwillingly, in the respect that sometimes we are forced to accept or make decisions that we may not actually wholeheartedly agree with or there is a piece of our heart that pulls at our brain with what ifs and all that come with those.
Yesterday I spent the better part of the day man down on the couch in tears with a migraine, it was unlike any migraine I have experienced before, my entire body ached from my toes to my head and everything in-between, this includes my heart and soul, but it ached for other reasons however I do believe it helped contribute to the experience I had yesterday.
I have taken you all through our family journey many a time and lately the debate and obstacles have revolved around Gabriel and how we can help him at school because up until now things have just gone downhill to the point where he is getting nothing done in class and we have ruled out any medical issues and tried every resort, method and natural medication we possibly can, some things have helped a bit or for a while, some things have helped his anxiety and sleep issues but the main problem that of school work and focus has not been resolved and so it was with a heavy heart that I drove to collect a concerta script for him on Monday, now I know logically it is not the end of the world and I know that it is one of the reasons Loghan has come so far and has been able to get to the point he is which is a very good point, but still my heart ached with what ifs…
One of the things that have always hurt the most when it comes to comments and well-meaning advisors or some not so well meaning advisors is when I am told that I am drugging my child or being a lazy parent or that the teacher must be lazy and not care.
Gabriel’s teacher actually taught at his previous school and I think she is a wonderful teacher, I have met my fair share of terrible teachers from past experiences and have had the privilege of having my sons taught by a number of excellent ones as well; you can always see where a teachers heart lies and whether she has a child’s best interest at heart, in this case I believe his teacher does and every step of the way she has tried and helped and been incredibly patient but what she said the other day is something one of our doctors said to us with Loghan many moons ago and that is if a child is sick or has a disorder which warrants medication you are doing them a disservice by keeping it from them, you would not choose to not medicate a child with a serious illness so why would you choose to let your child suffer, to let them come home frustrated and in tears thinking that there is something wrong with themselves every day when you can help solve the issue, and no medication does not solve the entire puzzle but as a stepping stone or piece it is a large one when a child is in actual need.
Every year I sit surrounded by my medical receipts and every year I marvel at how we manage to pull though, I joke with the pharmacy on how we should have shares invested but at the end of the day I don’t know how we do it this past year totaled over 40 000 worth of expenses (out of our pockets), granted a bit of it is from my wisdom teeth being done and minor cold meds ect but the majority is the boys meds, both homeopathic and non, the psychiatrists, psychologists and everything in-between, I cannot fathom how someone can look me in the eye and tell me that a parent would willingly do this for no reason or because they are a bad and lazy parent it just boggles the mind.
So yesterday was Gabriel’s first day and when I collected him from school it was with both anticipation and worry and I questioned him for a good 20 minutes about how he felt and how his day went did he feel ill or groggy or anything out of sorts, he told me he had a great day well up until first break wasn’t so good but after he did all his work and he was super proud, bearing in mind that it takes a day or two for the meds to settle in we will have to wait and see but I can only hope that from here his focus will improve and he will be able to achieve what we all know he can, this decision was not one made willingly but one that needed to be made but as always I will keep you all updated as our journey progresses.