Birthday emotions

Yesterday my baby boy eldest turned the big 10! 

Leading up to his birthday I as a mom went through so many feelings and stages.

First off I went through the OMG I have been a mom for 10 whole year’s stage and that brought up all the feelings and memories surrounding his birth, I went through hours of flooded tears, I looked through our albums and some of the baby clothes I kept, I still cannot fathom that he was once as small as a doll.

Then I went through OMG if my baby moves out at say 20 then I am halfway through the years of having him under my roof and that set me off because that is an incredibly scary thought, I mean not counting that he probably won’t want to know me for half of his teens it means I have so little time with him left under my roof and within my safe keeping, I don’t know about anyone else but I always sleep so much more soundly when my boys are physically under my roof in their own beds etc.

Then I went through a stage of OMG I am getting older, having children really brings your own mortality into focus as your children grow older not only do they make you feel all the feelings and mourn the loss of their childhood years that fly by but also your own years as they go by so much quicker than the years you wished away as a child yourself.

Lastly I grieved the years that have gone by and marveled at what an amazing young man Loghan is turning out to be despite the challenges he has faced and there have been so many, he could have gone in the other direction but he hasn’t he is so incredibly loving and smart, he has a heart the size of a mountain and an empathy and understanding of man that I think so many adults even lack, I am incredibly blessed to be his mother I really am.

When I look back at the photos from his birth and marvel at how naïve and young I actually was (even though I thought I wasn’t) at that point in time but also the anticipation and the love with which he was brought into the world, he was and still is so incredibly loved and from the moment those two lines appeared as scared as we were we were we are so blessed and we have grown so much because of him, I don’t think I could have grown in many of the ways I have without him.

I cried like a baby when I saw hime for the first time

NICU

Billi Lights

Big Brother

My gorgeous Boy

Growing Up!

9 going on 20

Yesterday was a mad rush because Gabriel had to be booked into hospital for an eeg and observation, I only managed about 40 minutes with Loghan yesterday morning and then he had to go to school and I back to the hospital and then work, after school his dad and step mom/brother came through and we had a wonderful evening which all ended with Loghan telling me it was the best day EVER, my heart just melted for this child of mine.

My baby is 10, TEN I am still totally blown away and the tween/ pre-teen years have officially begun which is both incredibly exciting and scary at the same time.

Happy Birthday my gorgeous boy you make my heart swell with pride!