So we as a family have been struggling a bit with a behaviour trait that Loghan has been displaying for a while now and that is lying.
Now just to point out he is doing incredible well at school and at home however there are two types of lying issues we are experiencing- the first is that he often tells grandiose stories about what he did during the day and secondly he will perform an action or do something he knows is wrong… sometimes right in front of you and still proclaim his innocence to the point that you honestly question whether your eyes actually saw what they did.
I have been struggling with this because Loghan is typically a very black and white, very blunt and strait to the point child which is a very big Aspie trait however as far as I was aware and told is is very difficult for an Aspie to lie (although I have known at least 2 Aspies in my life who were very good at 'lying' they didn't see it at such but anyway), so what’s up with that?
Anyhoo so I have been doing a bit of research and apparently in cases where a child has both Asperger’s and ADHD it is not only possible but common as well as it is a documented trait that many Aspie kids experience between the ages of 5 – 9 in particular, which makes so much sense.
So how do we deal with it, I mean on Sunday he threw a 400 rand bottle of salon shampoo I was given as a gift down the drain and all over the shower and then came down to say that someone had done it, I had been in the bathroom before him so we knew it was him and after many tears etc he kept dancing around the fact that he did it, not saying in strait words that it was him but implying admittance thereof, it was incredibly frustrating and I ended up taken away his access to technology for the week.
Some days he will also come home and go today we built this or did that and we know its made up, it is glaringly obvious so why do it?
I went online and found a great list of possible answers:
1. Some Aspergers children can't predict cause and effect. Your youngster throws a ball and breaks a window. His culpability in the act seems clear-cut to you. But a youngster who has trouble with cause-and-effect thinking may not be able to make the connection between throwing a ball and breaking a window. In his mind, if he didn't intend to do it, he didn't do it.
2. Some Aspergers children don't distinguish between fantasy and reality. What is objective to you may be subjective to your youngster. If one truth is as good as another, your youngster may select the one that seems, in his mind, to best suit the occasion.
3. Some Aspergers children don't know what's true. Kids who behave impulsively may not have a clear awareness of what they have done. Kids who have trouble with language processing may not have understood what was asked or expected. Kids with sensory differences may know only what they feel.
4. Some Aspergers children know that the truth may make you (the parent) angry, and they want to please you. If a youngster has done something wrong -- whether due to impulsivity, compulsive behavior, self-protective behavior, language processing problems, motor planning problems, or other causes related to disability -- he may try to make it right by telling you what he thinks will make you happy.
5. Some Aspergers children are just trying to get in the conversation. Children with limited life experience or limited vocabulary may want to have something to say - but no true contribution to make. Coming up with a story, however fanciful or false, may seem like the only way to participate.
6. Some Aspergers children are stressed. If you know that your youngster can't think calmly and clearly when stress levels are high, don't be surprised if you see lots of crazy, stubborn lying in that situation.
7. Some Aspergers children are telling “their” truth. Aspergers kids often experience the world very, very differently than their mother or father, but that does not make their experience false. If your youngster stubbornly, desperately clings to a declaration that you feel is untrue -- water's too hot, work is too hard, an object can't be found -- ask yourself if it might be only untrue to you.
I have struggled with how to deal with this because when we do punish him I inherently feel like I am punishing him for something that he has very little control over but at the same time I cannot leave it and dismiss the behaviour as correct or ignore it, I also know he knows when he is lying and that it is wrong so he needs to understand that there are consequences to his actions, unfortunately the items that he values the most in his day to day life are his tech items and so it works best to remove those from his use as well as his access or ability to choose what goes on the telly in the evenings (as the kids take turns) or even room time which he detests and is probably the one I hate giving the most because he has an intense fear of being alone upstairs, but sometimes if he is upset and needs to calm down this is the best as his sensory tent and tunnel are both in his room.
I will of course bring this to the attention of his doctor so we can just touch base and see how she feels about our approach to this behaviour.
What do you do when your child lies or how do you approach it?