So we as a family have been
struggling a bit with a behaviour trait that Loghan has been displaying for a
while now and that is lying.
Now just to point out he is doing
incredible well at school and at home however there are two types of lying
issues we are experiencing- the first is that he often tells grandiose stories
about what he did during the day and secondly he will perform an action or do
something he knows is wrong… sometimes right in front of you and still proclaim
his innocence to the point that you honestly question whether your eyes
actually saw what they did.
I have been struggling with this
because Loghan is typically a very black and white, very blunt and strait to
the point child which is a very big Aspie trait however as far as I was aware
and told is is very difficult for an Aspie to lie (although I have known at least 2 Aspies in my life who were very good at 'lying' they didn't see it at such but anyway), so what’s up with that?
Anyhoo so I have been doing a bit
of research and apparently in cases where a child has both Asperger’s and ADHD
it is not only possible but common as well as it is a documented trait that
many Aspie kids experience between the ages of 5 – 9 in particular, which makes
so much sense.
So how do we deal with it, I mean
on Sunday he threw a 400 rand bottle of salon shampoo I was given as a gift
down the drain and all over the shower and then came down to say that someone
had done it, I had been in the bathroom before him so we knew it was him and
after many tears etc he kept dancing around the fact that he did it, not saying
in strait words that it was him but implying admittance thereof, it was
incredibly frustrating and I ended up taken away his access to technology for
the week.
Some days he will also come home
and go today we built this or did that and we know its made up, it is glaringly
obvious so why do it?
I went online and found a great
list of possible answers:
http://www.myaspergerschild.com/2012/02/lying-or-wishful-thinking-which-one-is.html
1. Some Aspergers children can't predict cause and
effect. Your youngster throws a ball and breaks a window. His culpability in
the act seems clear-cut to you. But a youngster who has trouble with
cause-and-effect thinking may not be able to make the connection between
throwing a ball and breaking a window. In his mind, if he didn't intend to do
it, he didn't do it.
2. Some Aspergers children don't distinguish
between fantasy and reality. What is objective to you may be subjective to your
youngster. If one truth is as good as another, your youngster may select the
one that seems, in his mind, to best suit the occasion.
3. Some Aspergers children don't know what's true.
Kids who behave impulsively may not have a clear awareness of what they have
done. Kids who have trouble with language processing may not have understood
what was asked or expected. Kids with sensory differences may know only what
they feel.
4. Some Aspergers children know that the truth may
make you (the parent) angry, and they want to please you. If a youngster has
done something wrong -- whether due to impulsivity, compulsive behavior,
self-protective behavior, language processing problems, motor planning
problems, or other causes related to disability -- he may try to make it right
by telling you what he thinks will make you happy.
5. Some Aspergers children are just trying to get
in the conversation. Children with limited life experience or limited
vocabulary may want to have something to say - but no true contribution to
make. Coming up with a story, however fanciful or false, may seem like the only
way to participate.
6. Some Aspergers children are stressed. If you
know that your youngster can't think calmly and clearly when stress levels are
high, don't be surprised if you see lots of crazy, stubborn lying in that
situation.
7. Some Aspergers children are telling “their”
truth. Aspergers kids often experience the world very, very differently than
their mother or father, but that does not make their experience false. If your
youngster stubbornly, desperately clings to a declaration that you feel is
untrue -- water's too hot, work is too hard, an object can't be found -- ask
yourself if it might be only untrue to you.
I
have struggled with how to deal with this because when we do punish him I inherently
feel like I am punishing him for something that he has very little control over
but at the same time I cannot leave it and dismiss the behaviour as correct or
ignore it, I also know he knows when he is lying and that it is wrong so he
needs to understand that there are consequences to his actions, unfortunately
the items that he values the most in his day to day life are his tech items and
so it works best to remove those from his use as well as his access or ability
to choose what goes on the telly in the evenings (as the kids take turns) or
even room time which he detests and is probably the one I hate giving the most
because he has an intense fear of being alone upstairs, but sometimes if he is
upset and needs to calm down this is the best as his sensory tent and tunnel
are both in his room.
I
will of course bring this to the attention of his doctor so we can just touch
base and see how she feels about our approach to this behaviour.
What
do you do when your child lies or how do you approach it?
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