One of the things I get told particularly by older or very religious people in terms of my divorce with my ex is that I obviously didn’t try hard enough or why didn’t we give it one more go.
I don’t talk about this often but we actually did try to make it work again and I’m not counting the countless times I begged for change during the time we were together I’m talking post separation because our divorce took 3 years before it was finalised.
Towards the end of those 3 years I began to panic about not seeing my kids, I had been fighting for a more stable visitation or custody arrangement but unfortunately was told that because of the laws in this country if my ex wanted to see his kids more often or to have a fifty split I should accept it unless I planned on fighting it out which I did, but honestly after 3 years it began to take a huge toll on my own sanity as well as my now husbands and I expressed a fleeting moment of panic whereby I asked my ex if he wanted to try again, I just felt like I was losing my kids and the only way to keep seeing them every day was to be with their father which was so completely illogical but it was my frame of mind at that time.
By doing this I not only walked away from the man I loved with all my heart and broke his heart but I also walked away knowing I was going into a relationship I no longer wanted to be in….
We made an attempt and when I say it lasted 1 week I am not even kidding because it did.
I realised then that not only had I made the best decision and the right one, but that my ex and I had completely changed, we weren’t the same people we were when we met or even when we married or separated, the whole process had changed us significantly and even though we still enjoyed each other’s company on a friend level there was just no ways any sort of relationship was going to work especially when we were in love with different people and the flaws that were there that caused our marriage to breakdown in the first place were still there and would have in the end done so again.
A week may not be a long time and I’m sure many people would scoff at that as an attempt but if I put it plainly it is because that time was all we needed to realise that getting back together or attempting to was a big mistake and we just couldn’t fix what was broken between us.
My ex left and thankfully I was able and so was he to pick up our relationships once again, we are now both happily married to those people and we have reached a place as parents and in our lives where I feel like we are on good terms and can parent for the most part civilly, people make mistakes and that includes relationships, I don’t regret my relationship with my ex as together we created 2 beautiful souls who we are very privileged to call our kids, but what was broken within us and our relationship could not be fixed together it was something we had to work through and fix apart.