communication....

If there is one thing that I learned from my first marriage it was this that communication is everything and that although your partner may love you greatly and you them often if you do not voice your grievances or ask for help it can go unnoticed not necessarily because they don’t want to help but because life is just chaotic it’s easy to lose track with your partner, and husbands bless their heart can get pretty involved with their path through the day and full stop gave over what is it you do again, oh yeh the kids and stuff….

Don’t get me wrong I think that many divorces and separations are warranted and I always advocate the separation of a couple over the unhappiness and exposure of one’s children and self to a destructive relationship, I went through this myself but I also look at the amount of people going through divorces and think wow does no one talk anymore, has the world become that busy and people that pressured that you so quickly lose interest and communication with your spouse.

I think it has; personally it has been a really difficult past year since purchasing our home we do not make the month we severally miscalculated with inflation and everything going up, including the boys medication costs how we were going to come out at month end, this combined with the issues we have been having with Loghan, as well as some health issues on my side has put an incredible amount of pressure on hubby’s and my relationship, we have pretty much been living past each other, hubby works late and often and I am just exhausted at the end of the day after running around sometimes till 7 and then still having to get home and do everything as my hubby is unable to be home and help, I know I am still lucky, many woman and people do this alone everyday but it did all build up like a pressure cooker until this morning when I decided to say something and I have to say the look on my hubby’s face was a mixture between oh shit (I didn't freak out I remained calm lol) and why didn’t you say something and I realized that whilst I was actively moaning and making little snippy comments I didn’t physically sit him down and say hello over there I need help and I need it now, things need to change.

I love my husband but honestly unless I physically draw his attention to something it won’t happen (a problem shared by many fellow moms I know), it doesn’t help that I am not a very touchy feely affectionate person so just because I don’t cozy up to him does not mean that anything is wrong whilst hubby is incredibly affectionate and drives me insane so I know pretty quickly when something is not right with him =)

My point is I think we as moms and woman need to realist is that yes moms are amazing yes we can do so much but if we need help there is no shame in asking for it and if there is something that needs to change within the family dynamic we should not be afraid to politely lose our shit in a calm and somewhat scary manner and make sure something is done about it, there is no use in letting things slip through the cracks and before you know it you wake up one day and its too late to save the relationship, a marriage or even relationship is a two way street both partners need to work together and for each other that is in the end what a partnership is.

I know from now on I will remind myself to be more mindful and to talk things out instead of waiting for things to boil over, as a mom and a wife its difficult you want to be strong you want to carry everything and everyone but sometimes you can’t and there is nothing wrong with that, not a supermom or a super wife…. Just a regular mom and a wife and that's ok by me!