blended families

When my ex and I separated the thought of a step mom or another mother figure coming into my children’s lives was the last thing I wanted to think about it, I knew it would happen one day but it was not something I ever for saw as a problem at any point in my future.

Then my ex met the woman who is now his wife and I was forced to face a reality I really didn’t want to, sharing my children and their love with a woman whom I didn’t have any say over being included in my children’s lives.

It’s been 6 years since she came into our lives, I have hated her, I have lashed out at her she has been the target of many a rage as a result of my anger and frustration with my ex, I hated sharing my kids with her, I hated that my ex felt she had a say in their upbringing and their lives in general, I am their mother and I felt that if I was good enough to lay down with and have his kids and my parenting skills went unquestioned during our relationship then why the hell should anything be different after the fact of divorce, I am ashamed to admit that I became very bitter and angry and this was directed completely in the wrong direction many a time, I didn’t care that he was in another relationship I feared sharing my kids love and affections, a second mother to the kids I loved and that I carried and soothed and rocked to sleep, they were my children not hers many a time ashamedly I would mutter under my breathe that she should go have her own children and leave mine alone…

6 years later things have changed, I cannot say we always see eye to eye or that I agree with everything that she has to say, there are many times I still feel frustrated however what has changed is that I no longer see her as a threat for my children’s affections, I am their mother they know that and nothing is going to change that, they know I love them with all my heart and soul , in many ways she is also their mother, I have come to see and am grateful for the times that she can pick them up after a fall, that she is willing to put time in when they need help, and more often than not she is the one I call or message if I need to say something or find out something about the boys. 

My mom said to me one day that I needed to take heed and be grateful that my ex chose someone who wanted to be a part of the boys lives who was proud to be seen as their step mother, that I should accept that she could be a great help and asset in raising the boys or I could fight her every step of the way and cause more harm than good, that the boys have 2 sets of parents to love them and look after them and that 2 sets of parents who work together rather than against each other would be more beneficial to the boys than 2 sets at permanent odds, with time I have come to understand and appreciate this.