Birth Plans and Birth Disappointment

I am an avid Youtube fan I love watching in particular family vloggers and over the year have acquired a small list of family vloggers whom I watch on a daily basis. 

This weekend one of those families welcomed their second child into the world, the mum attempted a vbac and was in labour for nearly 40 hours before the finally told her she needed to have a c section her water had broken, she had tried Pitocin as a very last resort but due to the way baby was lying against her pelvic bone he was just not going to come out naturally.

The disappointment and sadness on her face when she was told that she would have to go in was just heart breaking, I don’t think I have ever seen a sadness like that before from a woman just about to give birth, she had tried so hard and yet things just didn’t go according to her plan.

 Personally I attempted a birth plan once and that was with Loghan, yes I wanted a c section but I wanted certain music to play, I wanted the lights dimmed and the cord to stop pulsating… of course all this went out of the window when my waters broke prematurely and Loghan had to be delivered via emergency c section, honestly my birth plan was the last thing on my mind and I just wanted a healthy baby, that was the last time I attempted a birth plan after speaking with my doctor about it I decided and she agreed with me that babies have their own minds and it is best to just go with it and keep an open mind.

It’s not that I have an issue with birth plans or a woman wanting a birth plan but after watching this weekend it only affirmed what I believe; births do not always go according to plan and this can lead to a sense of failure or disappointment when you are so focused on your birth going a certain way or according to a certain structure, I believe that a doctor should rather encourage their patient to explore and research all possibilities and go in with an open mind, that way you are prepared for everything and whatever happens you would not be bitterly disappointed about things not going to plan…

Birth disappointment is a very real and common occurrence many woman end up feeling like a failure for not being able to achieve the birth they envisioned, particularly a natural birth and this is I believe a great part due to society and other woman pushing that ideal that natural births are the only way and that anyone can give birth and should give birth a certain way, the amount of pressure and shaming that is inflicted upon woman is severely disappointing as you would think that woman would rather encourage each other to have a healthy happy baby rather than to birth in a particular way.

I understand how disappointing it must be to not achieve the birth you envisioned. I firmly believe that every woman should be allowed the chance to achieve the birth of her dreams, but I also believe that the actual outcome of the birth ie a healthy baby should be your biggest achievement and not the process that got you there, and I appeal to all the woman who are going to be giving birth please do not let the birth process mar those first precious moments and the days after with your child, please research and prepare for all outcomes- it doesn’t mean that you are setting yourself to fail or not achieve your goals it just means that if and that’s a big IF things do not go according to plan it will not ruin your birth experience, you may still be disappointed but you should not feel like a failure.

To the woman who did get the birth they envisioned that is awesome and amazing but please be mindful of the other woman around you who may not have been so lucky or just didn’t want the same thing you did, your birth choice doesn’t make you better than other woman and it doesn’t make you a better mother either, being a mother makes you a better mother and the love you have for your child.